Gone

Chapter 1

I feel the bed dip beside me. Fingertips lightly push my hair out of my face. "Mack." A soft voice coos. I know that voice.

I open my eyes and see Harry smiling down at me. "Harry!" I sit up and throw myself onto his lap.

He chuckles and hugs me. It feels so nice being in his arms again. Harry's aftershave fills my nostrils. Bleu de Chanel. Tears are rolling down my cheeks. "Hey," he pushes me away slowly, "Don't cry, love. I'm still alive. We can have this all again."

Wait what? This isn't real? Despair overwhelms me. The way he feels, smells, this can't just be a dream.

His hands grab mine. "Mack, you need to come find me. I'm alive." He pleads.

"Where? Where are you?" I cry out as he starts to fade away. I reach out and try to clutch onto him. "No! Don't go, please!"

"Don't give up on me. I love you, Mackensey." He smiles.

I sit up in my bed, looking around my room. Harry was no where in sight. I fall back onto the bed, my chest heaving and my body sweating. I curl my legs to my chest. I bring a pillow to my face and sob into it.

I love you Mackensey. His words echo in my head.

These dreams are constant. He's always telling me to come find him, to not give up. But he never tells me where he is. The dreams are heartbreaking. They always make me feel like I've lost him all over again. I can never heal or "move on" as Louis says, because of them. Maybe I should see someone.

Don't give up on me.

I grip the pillow tighter and continue to cry. I can't give up on him.

After what feels like hours I click my phone on, the screen lighting up the dark room. The time says 5:45 a.m. I'll never be able to sleep now.

I pour myself a cup of coffee and watch the sunrise from the kitchen table. I remember having coffee with Harry every morning when he wasn't on tour. It was something we always made time for. Most of the time, we would sit in silence with our feet up on the chairs next to us. On certain mornings the house would be full of playfulness and giggles and goofy conversation.

I ran around the counter as Harry chased me. His long legs soon caught up with me, his arms wrapping around my waist. I couldn't stop laughing. He turned me around and backed me up to the counter. He pressed his lips to mine and pulled back with a goofy smile on his face.

"What's that face?" I smiled, my hand playing with one of his curls. He grabbed it and kissed the back of my hand and held it to his chest.

"You just make me really happy." He shrugged.

I wipe the tear that runs freely down my cheek. The sun is up now, the red, orange, and purple sky disappearing. The sun glints off of the pool, the water looking so tempting. Some vitamin D might be good for me.

I throw my bikini on and jump in the pool, silently thanking Harry for his decision to get the heated pool. He thought it would be best considering London's temperatures are pretty inconsistent.

I swim some laps around the pool. I was a swimmer in high school, I won the local and state championship as a sophomore. I quit when I was a senior, turning down all scholarships. My dad pushed me so hard, preparing me for college. I was never allowed any time for relaxation or to hang out with friends. It was study, swim, impress college scouts, swim, swim and more swim. It became too much and I didn't even like it anymore. And then I met Harry at one of his CD signings.