An Imperial Affliction

Chapter 3

To Myself:

Hello, my dear reader. Again, you ventured through the void of time to reach me. Is that a blessing or a curse? You get to avoid the dull, wretched moments of class and chores, which is a blessing. Yet, for any tale I wish to tell, you must suffer through my painstaking descriptions without being blessed enough to experience the joy happening at the moment. Puzzling.

Today, was Saturday. Claire Hesson attended her first date last night. Afterwords, Claire rushed over to my house so we could discuss the complexity of a common boys emotions. I determined Jake Allen was highly interested in Claire Hesson, and after deliberating heavily, Claire agreed.

Apparently at the movies, Jake slide his fingers over Claire's hand, purposely. Claire then proceeded to glance at his hands. Suddenly, and this is how she describes it, he placed his hand over hers. After intertwining fingers, Claire says she caught Jake looking at her instead of the movie. The perfection in their relationship is fit for mockery.

So that's what I do.

"Claire and Jake, holding hands in the theatre! Oooooo" I coo at her. You should know I pronounced "theatre" like "thea-tray" so I sounded more sophisticated.

"Oh be quiet! What's going on in your love life then?" Claire asked back smugly.

Reader, I have crushes as much as the next girl. But the thing is, who would ever love a dying girl? Who could ever want someone who was so sick and weak because of what they call the cure to cancer? All I have found is that, no one could care for me as they care for Claire and other girls. They see me as a pity case. And I won't stand for that.

"Nice try Claire, but my love life is still nonexistent," I tell her, rather than explaining why.

Claire won't be easily convinced though. After a while of her pestering me, Claire got bored with the topic and started to wander softly around my room. We were both silent as her fingers ran over a picture frame of us as children. I remember the day almost like it was yesterday.

"Anna? Did if hurt?" Claire asked for the thousandth time.

"No" I answered softly, "I felt numb."

I was in the hospital, in a large brightly painted room, and my parents, freshly divorced, sat peacefully by my side. I was dying. Dying fast.

I had to beg my mom to let Claire come. She was my only true friend that actually stood by my side, even if it led to my death bed. My mom eventually cave in and allowed her to visit me.

Claire came in, all innocent and naive and grabbed my hand. I think she knew deep down that this would be the last time we would see one another. Claire told me I had to be brave. I told her I knew. And then it came over me.

"Goodbye Claire," I whispered. I remember both blinding darkness and light, both existing at the same time. All sound seemed to disappear. I was transfixed in a state of peace. My whole body was numb. Then I felt a squeeze of my hand.

"No. You won't leave me," Claire whispered, "Not today."

It was the nurse who snapped a picture of us, holding so tightly to the others hand. After I recovered and walked right off my own death bed, she gave me two printed copies. The nurse wished me luck in remission, and I went home.

"Claire," I said to her as she began tearing up, "Why do you always ask me that?"

"I just," she began.

"One day I'll die Claire," I said defiantly, "We all die in the end."

Claire shot me a dirty look, "I know Anna but that doesn't mean the world won't miss you."

"That's how this world is. We break everyone down into rubble and when they die we build them up into marble statues. We only remember the good in everyone, and then we over glorify it. I won't stand for it," I told her, "If I were to die Claire, promise me you'll tell everyone that sometimes I was a horrible person?"

Claire laughed but then became somber, "Anna. Something tells me a part of you will outlive all of us."

And then she left.

I really do love the way my best friend thinks.

I really do.