The Words

Realization

I sat down. The kitchen table had a plate of bread, and I now realized that I was starving. "Ant-" but he didn't seem to hear me as he began to speak.

"I just can't believe Hailey would just leave you after that trial years ago, so very careless of her. It's even worse now since... Mariana's death." He said the last part quietly.

"It's alright... I guess and uhm, is there anything to eat?" I asked unable to hold back the wince that was caused from my aching stomach. His eyes widened. "Yes of course Ana-, I'm sorry, I mean Amara." He said quickly. I nodded my head.

Amara. No one had called me that for years other then Mariana and I winced after he mentioned her name. I couldn't blame him, you really can't tell us apart.

Antonio quickly put together Mac and Cheese...the only dish he could make decently since the last time I came here.

He handed me the bowl of the gooey cheese and macaroni with a fork on the side. "Thank you." I muttered. He nodded.

He and his son stared at me while I slowly picked the food with the fork and eventually ate it. I felt their relentless stare as I continued to eat. "You really look li-" but I snapped back at the speaking eight year old. "I know that I look just like Mariana, we're damn twins for Christ sake."

And I instantly regretted it as I saw Raphael's eyes water with tears. Raphael and Mariana were practically the ideal older sister and younger brother relationship.

"I'm sorry Raph." I say using his nickname in a hope of soothing him with a bit of familiarity. "It's okay Amarathine." He said with a little smile while the last of his tears fell.

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"Well, I haven't come in here in along time." Antonio grunted as he set down my luggage in my now new room. I felt the nostalgia set in as I looked around soaked in the ever so familiar souroundings . "And Amara, I'm sorry if I don't seem so excited you're here becuase I really am its just that after the d-death of your sister, it's really like you're her sad ghost holding her soul." He whispered. And from the look of his eyes he instantly regretted it as my face drained from color and probably grew a pasty sick brown.

"I'm-" but I cut off his apology before he could say it. He's probably right.

"It's okay." I sigh, yet again. And I could recognize that knot in my throat that held back all my tears. A tsunami of emotions were charging to my eyes. I knew they were.

But I heard the hardwood floor creak. "Antonio." A woman groaned. "I've been- Mariana?!"

A gorgeous woman of flowing blonde hair and vanilla cream skin walked up to my father and I. Her blue eyes were holdings flecks of a deeper shade of blue.

"Hello Margaret." I greeted. "And I'm her twin, Amarathine."

"Oh my heavens child, I'm so sorry." She gasped as she held her chest. I nodded and tried to crack a smile to reassure her that it was ok but I could only muster a small curve in my lips that could barely distinguish a smile.

"Well I better get going." I grunted as I retreated in my new room. They both nodded their heads knowingly. I shut the door. I heard their murmurs as their retreating footsteps grew fainter and fainter.

My world has collapsed. I was going to fall into my twisted mind but I heard the ground creak. I looked up from the palm of my hands and saw my favorite people in the world.

Jasmine Collins, Rhett Wuthers, and Reese Churns.

And they all fell to their knees and gave me a hug. And they eventually stepped back and waited for my reaction.

And the tears slid down my face, an unfamiliar sensation  that always took me by surprise. "I can't do this, I can't, I can't, I can't." I was losing myself along with my sister.

And I finally realized that she wasn't going to come back, my first tears since her death established this. And I realized, that each time I looked in the mirror, it would only be a reminder of what I lost.

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