anonymous|| lashton & malum||

||8||

the part in between the asterisks  will be Luke's POV.

***

He had a tight grip around my wrist with his rough, callused hands.
I put myself into this mess.
And now I'm stuck in it.

I was always on time, but I had to go with Ashton. I've never been late before and hell, I'll make sure I'm never late again because this is like torture.

I can't keep putting myself through this. I know I'm not the best person but I sure as hell don't deserve this pain. Both physical and emotional.

He doesn't love me, he never did. He doesn't even like me. He just wants me for one thing and one thing only.
We hardly talk. Maybe exchange a few words ever now and then on rare occasions. He's not nice or caring at all. He doesn't care about the tears running down my cheeks or the lump in my throat everytime I try to hold in a sob.

I hate myself.
I hate him.
I hate that this is no one else's fault except my own.
Life shouldn't be like this.
And he calls this love?
This isn't love.

His grip had now moved down to my thighs. Oh god. Here we go again.

He was so rough, and not in a good way. It was painful and scary almost.

I limped home to Michael as I didn't have a car.
Maybe if I did, I could get out of this mess.

I get home to head straight to the shower.
I cry. A lot.
I'm dirty and used.
Filthy. Disgusting.
I'm craving a cigarette. Just like I am after every time it happens.
But I made a promise that I wouldn't smoke.
I don't miss it.
I don't want it.
But I need it.

I wish I wasn't like this.
Sometimes I wish I was dead.

I'm trapped in this forever now.
I can't get out.

***

Luke went on tumblr and saw that Ashton had posted.

'thank you to my coworker for his help today.. i really really appreciate you'

He had a picture attached of him in the hospital, smiling like usual.

Luke chuckled a little because he did anything but help Ashton. He made his life worse if anything.

Luke decided to message Ashton, but as his anonymous tumblr user.

Anon; hey, i saw your post. everything okay?
Ashton replied almost right away. He must be bored.
Ashton; yes, thank you.. better than ever actually.
Anon; oh how come? aren't you in hospital?
Ashton; yeh i am, but I'll heal. I think I've found someone :')
Anon; I'm sure he's a very lucky guy.
Ashton; i don't think so.. he's gorgeous and I'm just me.
Anon; what if he likes you back?
Ashton; don't be silly anon. he's going places. Besides, I'm two years older. He'll find someone hits own age.
Anon; and what if hes not interested in someone his age?
Ashton; you think i have a chance?
Anon; you more than definitely have a chance. he might just need some help getting his life on track. he doesn't want to hurt you.
Ashton; it would be a privilege to be hurt by you Luke.
Anon; how long have you known it's me?
Ashton; a while.. i like to think of myself as mysterious ;) anyway, the nurse is telling me to sleep or whatever. Come see me tomorrow? Goodnight Luke
Anon; sleep well Ashton

a/n; sorry its so short. lol