Road To Nowhere

Distance is a bitch

They asked me what heartbreak was. I stood rooted to the spot knowing full well that my answer would not satisfy their need to feed off the hurt of our lost souls as society so often did.  "Heartbreak".. i mused to myself, was not a single event, it wasn't a boy not showing up for prom, it wasn't being cheated, no. Heartbreak for me, was a young man with the ocean in his eyes and a smile that never quite reached them, it was aching to run my fingers through his silky blonde hair not quite watching the movie we had put on. It was his voice cutting through my daydreams at the airport telling me " come back soon okay?" And feeling my heart drop to my feet as i walked away from him. Coming back to reality i blushed upon realizing every single pair of eyes in the room was locked on me, "well..." i softly stuttered heartbreak, "in definition is overwhelming distress. But if i had to personally define it i would have to say heartbreak is loving something that you can not touch." I coughed to cover my growing emberassment as everyone slowly looked away.
"Very good, mimi." professor Rudd stated, his voice booming loudly off the walls. One wouldn't think a voice that deep would come out of this man, at six feet ten inches tall he looked as if a sudden gust of wind would carry him away. Smirking to myself i suddenly realized class had ended while i was in another daydream, sighing i packed my books into the worn-out bag by my feet, flinging it over one shoulder before taking my leave. I sat on the bus home slowly tapping my fingers one-by-one on my pant leg, it was another dreary day in black falls. Glancing over i realized there was a very intoxicated man looking my way it was nearly impossible to tell if he was actually staring at me and not just too drunk to realize what was going on, his gaze made me shift uncomfortably in my seat regardless .

Finally it was my turn to get off, i slowly walked down the street towards my house kicking tiny rocks as i went, pausing when i realized there was a figure on my deck. A small womans figure, that was eating... "chicken nuggets?" I thought not surprised as i greeted my best friend. "Anna!" I exclaimed loudly as she jumped almost dropping the nuggets in the process she scrambled up to hug me before stating my mother had made chicken nuggets for dinner. A slow smile tugged at the corners of my lips, our friendship had been through many hardships but we made it through each one stronger than before, i doubted you could even call it friendship anymore Anna was part of my family. Mumbling a hello to my mother as i wandered down the stairs to my room, Anna hot on my trail as we reached my room she automatically flopped down onto my bed making herself at home replying to some text from her boyfriend i assume, not taking notice when she stopped talking. " Hey mimi?" She started causing me too look up. " Have you talked to Miles lately?" I shrug avoiding her glance " yes." I mumble softly feeling a pang in my chest at his name. Life has it's ups and downs, for example i happened to be in love with the most amazing man, we were a force to be reckoned with. it wouldn't seem like there would be a downside to that, except the fact he lives all of three thousand, eight hundred, and sixty seven kilometres away. A downside that broke me daily, while we talked every day it had been a year since i had seen him. Three hundred and sixty five days... without his laugh, without his smile, under normal circumstances i would keep myself busy as to not think about him but this day was special. This time last year, i was on my way to see him, a three hour drive and three, two-hour plane rides later and i got to be with him, nothing can prepare you for the feelings you get when you run into his arms at the airport, not taking notice of anyone else but him as i burried my head into his chest breathing in the familiar scent i had so missed. Snapping back to the present i looked over at Anna, realizing i was done daydreaming she smiled " he'll be here before you know it!" She reassured me, as she popped a chip into her mouth. "Where did she get chips?" I thought to myself laughing.
Listening to Anna munching on chips i started to zone out again, thinking back to class that morning. One word echoing through my head heartbreak, i inwardly shuddered at the word who knew that a combination of eleven letters could have such an effect on me. Missing him radiated through my body, coursing through at such a speed it almost took my breath away. I wanted him, to hold him, breathe his scent. His scent i closed my eyes smiling at the thought a mixture of fresh laundry, the kind you have the pleasure to hold after it has dried outside on a warm summer day, the scent of wind and nature blowing through it. It was a scent all his own, my own personal drug. More than anything though, i wanted to kiss him. Long, soft kisses, like the leaves kiss the ground when fall comes. The thought send tingles of happiness through my chest, until reality hit slowly realizing that i have not a single clue when i will see him next, get to hold him. Hand on my chest i gasped for air when wave after wave of nauseating pain washed over me. I had learned a long time ago to stop fighting it, it was the kind of pain that you had to sit there and focus on breathing while it destroyed the happiness inside you, leaving you like a feild ripped bare to it's soil. looking over at Anna i realized she had fallen asleep, chips in hand still, i slowly slid off the bed as not to wake her and stood in front of the mirror off to the left of my bed. Scruitinizing my image making sure my appearance didn't reflect the broken pieces inside of me. Smiling bitterly i looked at the note from him, pinned to my wall. I love you. A simple three words that made my heart flutter, taking one last look at myself i silently layed down, a single tear falling from my eye. "Distance is a bitch." I whispered to nobody in particular.