HOW I LOST YOU

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Chapter Eleven

Something pressed on my feet. I opened my eyes to see Kya at the end of my bed, sitting on my toes. Her eyes were wide but dull, as if someone sucked out the sparkly part of her soul. The hair sticking out in every direction highlighted the abnormal paleness of her face. Purple shadows puffed her eyes into slits. Not even Kya could pull off that look. I glanced at my clock on the dresser. Crap. I was supposed to be at Lola’s paintball place in forty-five minutes. I’d overslept by almost an hour, probably because I’d tossed and turned most of the night worrying about Kya and distracted by thoughts of Levi. I never usually needed an alarm clock to get up, so I hadn’t bothered to
set one.

“I woke up at James’s,” she said, dipping her head and picking at my comforter.

“I know.” I pulled my feet out from under her and sat up slowly. “His mom was out. I would have brought you here, but his place seemed smarter. Less trouble for you.”

“So it was you who took me there?” she asked in a hoarse and throaty voice. “I wasn’t sure. I don’t remember any of it.” She coughed and it came out like a sob.

“Grace, I’m scared.”

“Oh, Kya.” I leaned forward, trying to hug her, but she turned so I ended up patting her shoulder instead.

“I keep screwing up,” Kya was saying. “I don’t mean to, Grace. I don’t want to. But I keep doing it. I screw up everything.”

“You don’t,” I told her. “You were upset. You drank too much. You’ll get past this.”

She kept her head down and chewed her bottom lip. “Sometimes I want to feel better, you know. Forget everything.” She sighed heavily and dragged her hand over her hair. “I’m so messed up.”

I reached for her hand, squeezed it, and glanced at the pictures on my dresser. Framed photos of James and Kya and me. My favorite was a recent snap of Kya and me in our paintball gear, our faces shiny with sweat. She was holding my arm up in victory. We’d won a tournament together.

I put my hand under her chin. “You’re going to be fine. I get it, but seriously, from now on, less drinking and more yoga or something, okay?” I smiled and she attempted a smile back, but her lip shook. She gave up, moved her head away from me, and stuck her nail back in her mouth.

I swung my feet over the side of the bed. “Did you talk to James before you left?” I asked. I stood and walked over to my dresser and peered into the mirror above it. I hadn’t taken off my makeup, and it smeared underneath my eyes.

“No. He was still asleep on the couch. It was completely silent, nothing from his dog even. His mom must have been in her room. I snuck out and came here. I figured you’d know what happened.”

I grabbed a Kleenex, dabbed some lotion on it, and wiped away old makeup. “You could have asked James.” I slid an elastic off my wrist and pulled up my hair, wrapping the elastic around it and securing it on top of my head.

She stood up and walked over beside me, glancing in the mirror and sticking out her tongue. “I didn’t want to wake him.” She went back to the bed and sat on the edge facing me. “James hates me. I don’t blame him.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” We both paused as a thump of footsteps walked up the stairs. Kya glanced at my reflection in the mirror and I held my finger to my lips. Since it was Sunday, Mom was probably out running with her training partners, and no way Indie was even close to a conscious state yet. The footsteps walked to the outside of my closed bedroom door and stopped.

“Did my dad answer the door?” I whispered to her.

She nodded.

“What’d you tell him?” I whispered.