Chapter 1
In my dreams she's still here, waking me up each and every morning, straitening Dad's crooked tie and forever reminding Sam to bring his bus card. But these are just memories, silly little things that I hang onto so dearly for they are all i have left.
In reality our family is broken, missing a part that will always be needed but never be able to be replaced. My mother is dead, no amount of ignoring will stop it from being true. But I do ignor it, I can't face truth, none of us can.
I hear the faint knock on my door, followed by the creak of it opening. My eyes crack open and I push myself up onto one elbow to see who's there. The sight nearly breaks my heart, but that is impossible because it is already broken. My 9 year old brother Sam is standing in his batman pyjamas, holding his royal blue blanket. His eyes are red from crying and his bottom lip is wobbling.
I gesture for him to come and he runs to me. He jumps on my bed and I wrap my arms around him, he is crying and sobbing, "We can't do it, we can't do it" over and over again to no one in particular. "What can't we do, Sam" I whisper as I stroke his messy brown mop of hair. He looks up at me, those big, brown eyes of his connect with mine, he looks scared, lost, alone. "Sam?" I prompt as he begins sobbing again.
He wipes his eyes and looks at me again, "We can't do it, we can't put Mummy in the ground, we can't do it" then he grabs me tighter and begins crying again. All I can do is stare at the wall. There are a million things a 9 year old boy should cry about, a skinned knee, being told off, missing the goal in soccer but not crying because your dead mother is being buried today, no, this isn't right. Sam shouldn't be going through with this, he should be preparing for school, not a funeral but life isn't fair. Our lives have been turned upside down and we're all hurting, my life isn't straight, its a blur. Only two things are clear to me. One being that if I could I would take all of Sam's hurt and put it on me and second that i would do anything, anything at all to bring my mother back.
I walk Sam back to his room, he holds my hand tightly with one hand and with the other he wipes his eyes with his blanket. When we reach his room i pick him up and stand him on his bed, "So little man, lets get you looking fabulous!" I grin at him and he manages a small smile back. It's the first time I've smiled in days, but Sam's special, he means the world to me and is the only one who can make me try to see the bright side of things.
I turn to his wardrobe and open it, i look back over my shoulder. "Do ya know what you want to wear Sammy?" I asked, he nodded and ran over to me, sneaking under my arm to get at the wardrobe. He shuffles through his clothes for a bit then flings a pair of dark blue jeans on his bed. He then goes onto tippy-toes and grabs his crispy white t-shirt. "These" he smiled proudly at me. "Wow Sam!," i grin at him "You're going to look amazing, now go get dressed and then i'll brush and gel your hair. He nodded and sped off to his bathroom.
As soon as my bedroom door closed behind me I slumped to the ground exhausted. I never knew, even with the help of Sam, keeping up the happy act was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I sat there for a while, thinking, before I got up to get ready myself. I had got Sam into his clothes, brushed his curly hair back, added a small amount of gel to hold it back and set him down in his room paying computer games whilst I went to get ready.
I walked to my wardrobe and opened it, looking for the right outfit. I thought about the black long sleeved top and jeans or my black dress, but it seemed to sad, Mum wouldn't have wanted it. As I shoveled through my other clothes, one dress dropped out. It was pale green and flowy. I felt a pang of horror as my mind flashed back to that day, exactly 2 months and 14 days before Mum died...
We we're out in the mall, just me and her, Sam and Dad had gone fishing. I usually didn't like shopping but she made it so much fun. We entered into one of her favourite dress shops and began shifting through the aisles as we had done in the past 4 shops. "Ohhh, Bree!," she exclaimed, "You have to have this it looks amazing, lets go try it on!" I'd tried to get my way out of trying it on but 5 minutes later I was standing in the pale green dress as Mum circled and inspected me. After what seemed like forever she clasped her hands together and grinned madly at me. "Oh Bree, you look beautiful, you have to get this dress" I said no and that it was not my style bu after 10 minutes of arguing she persuaded me. As we we're walking out of the shop she pulled me aside and told me something, "Bree, darling. I love this dress, but i want it to be special, for just us. I brought it a size big so that you can keep it and on the day of my funeral, I want you to wear it, okay"...
