No Longer

Hey! So this is a one shot that I wrote during Science class and my friend (mendthistrainwreck, check out her stuff!) encouraged me to post it here. Haven't posted anything in awhile so why not? Hope you guys like it! :D

P.S.- Kate! I edited a little though :)) Hope it's better ;)

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She looks out the window, watching the rain run down as fast as her tears. Feeling nothing but regret in her heart, seeing nothing but his face in her mind, and wanting nothing more that to feel the warmth of his arms wrap around her once more.

Impossible.

How could I have been so stupid? She thinks to herself as a ground-shaking sound of thunder erupts outside the cold, lonely blue house. Memories of him start to consume her. Those once happy moments start to cause her pain, yet she enjoys it. She is willing to endure the pang of guilt and sadness that fill her heart, just to have a glimps of his angelic hazel eyes. Eyes that tells the true even when his mouth does not.

Eyes that she can no longer see.

She imagines his breath taking smile. A smile that makes even her worst days seem brighter and worth living for.

A smile that she can no longer return.

She recalls the sound of his heart breaking laugh. A laugh that would fill the room and infect the people around him.

A laugh she can no longer be infected by.

Little by little, she can almost hear the sound of her heart breaking into more pieces- as if even possible. She starts thinking about her life, trying to remember times when he was not in them, but she cannot find any. The best day of her life was because of him. The worst day of her life became better because of him. There were no boring days because of him.

Her reason for never doubting her reason for being in this black and white world was because of him. He put color in her life, but he also took it away again when he left. The pain she feels now is because of him. Because of him. She bites on her lower lip as the memories flood her with mixed emotions. Love. Sadness. Confusion. Longing. Guilt. Wonder. Even anger of the tiniest bit.

She looks around the dark house, lighten only by a burning candle. Everything has not been touched since she returned except that his stuff are gone, making the house feel as empty as she. The bed is still as messy as it was when they woke up that unfaithful morning. The kitchen sink still holding dirty dishes that she had been planning to wash once she got back. Half of the closet in their room is filled with her neatly folded clothes and the other half is empty. His toiletries were gone from the sink, his car taken out of the garage, and even his collection of Beetles albums under the bed was taken away too. Everything that could possibly remind her of him was gone, sparing her of the heartache she would feel whenever she looked at them.

Her hands shake as she rereads the letter that she has already memorized by heart:

My love,

I am sorry. I did not intend to hurt you with my lies and selfishness. My only intention and excuse for what I had done is to keep you happy. It is sudden, I know. I tried my best to hide it from you, still knowing that you finding out cannot be helped. I kept it a secret because I wanted to see you with a smile instead of the sorrowful glint in your eyes that I know you have now. I could not bear to see you hurt. Please do not be angry with me for doing what I thought was right. You may not agree, but I am happy knowing that your beautiful face will forever be engraved in my mind. Knowing that you will be the last thing I will ever see gives me the courage to not be scared of what will happen.

If I could, I would give you the strength to carry on. Sadly, all I can give you is my love. I know it is not enough but I love you. Never doubt that. I always have and always will. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. I have never loved anyone more either.

I have nothing else to say so once again, I am sorry. Could you ever forgive me?

My heart is forever yours.

"Of course I forgive you," she finally cries out, her voice cracking and barely audible. If even possible, she cries more and the tears fall faster than the beat of her heart as she grips- almost crumpling- another piece of paper in her other hand. Her heart sinks with immense grief as she reads the death certificate of the only man she will ever love.

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Thank you for reading! :D Hahaha. Oh! And I just want you to know that this is definitely fiction! xD It's not based on how I felt when I wrote this or anything. I just started writing ;) Anyways, feel free to comment, vote and fan if you like! ^_^ It would be much appreciated!

~ bloomelina