Echo

July

​Two weeks had passed since the trip to the ER, Darren is still here, though I haven't told him anything, and only Trey knows. He isn't so angry with me anymore which is good. But it's Thursday July 3rd and everyone is off. "Let's go camping!" Trey bursts out the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to his shoe. The other two stick their heads out the door, "Please!" they both chime in, "Alright sure. Let's pack up." Trey helps me to my feet before packing up bedding. Darren actually contributes and grabs food and beer from the store across the street. In a matter of minutes they have the truck loaded up with everything we need. Everyone piles into the truck surprisingly with Darren taking the back seat, Trey in the middle and Tanner in the passenger seat. 22 miles out of town to a lovely lake crowded with avid party goers. This place is just far enough out of town no cops like to come. Perfect for underage drinking.

The water is crystal clear and Tanner starts blowing up the air mattress to take into the lake. Darren is setting up the bedrolls while Trey sits on log playing with fire. No one has a care in the world, which is nice. It's so peaceful, "Kayleigh come float with me!" Tanner stands at the water's edge in a pair of shorts. I strip down to my bra and underwear, since I didn't pack any swim gear. Darren wraps his arms around me lightly, "Beautiful like always baby." He kisses my cheek lightly and my stomach flutters with happiness when his hand grazes it. "I love you Kayleigh." He kisses me softly, "I love you too." My face blushes, "Go have fun baby." He grabs a beer and sits down next to Trey. I walk to the water that's warmed up from the sun's rays. I lie on my back with my feet in the water with Tanner lying close to my side, "I'm glad we did this Kayleigh." I sigh, "Me too." Slowly water starts to rise on the mattress, "Quick start paddling!" at this point we are both laughing, "Abandon ship!" I scream before rolling off the mattress into the water. Swimming for the shore I laugh as Tanner struggles with the air mattress and himself. Darren meets me half way and pulls me into his arms. "You really are beautiful Kayleigh." I blush again. This is the Darren I love, the not crazy guy, the sober Darren. Well, mostly sober.

Back on land the sun starts to set and the temperature begins to cool. We have a big bonfire going, and hotdogs cooking on sticks. We all sit around the fire, Trey has his arms crossed across his chest staring at me from across the camp fire. Something isn't right with him, he just seems off. Darren sits with his arm draped around my shoulders and I'm loving every second of it. Tanner has had 6 beers already and put himself to bed. He snores softly off in his own dreamland. Darren stretches his arms out and yawns, "You ready for bed baby?" I nod my head and nuzzle close into his chest. He lifts me up into his arms cradling me over to our bed mat. We don't have a tent so we stay close enough to the fire to stay warm but far enough away to have our own privacy. Out here there are no city lights, no traffic sounds just peace.

Have you ever watched a sky change from a bright blue to cotton candy pink and blue. It's magnificent. My heart beats for you, this is just one of many camping trips in your future. Mommy loves you dearly and I hardly know you. It's just something about knowing you are the best part of me, and the best part of him that makes you two perfect. Daddy doesn't know you exist yet, but he will, and he will love you just as much as I do or at least I hope.
The sun comes up early and Tanner and Trey have already got the truck packed up, "Are you two ready to go?" Trey's voice sounds irritated as he crosses his arms across his chest. Darren grabs the bedding and throws it in the back. Today is already off to a bad start, I can tell. The drive seems longer than normal with everyone being irritated. We finally get home and every carries everything upstairs. As soon as everything is inside Trey disappears out the door without saying a word. Tanner lies down on the couch with his hands in his pockets.

Trey pops back in and still doesn't say anything as he disappears into the bathroom. I'm standing in the kitchen staring at our empty fridge, I'm hungry, real hungry. I go for a simple peanut butter and jelly while Darren starts to make a burger. The smell of the raw meat hits my nose the wrong way, making my stomach turn. I dart for the bathroom right as Trey walks out. He chuckles as I throw up. I made it just in time to heave everything I had in me. I walk out of the bathroom as Trey goes into the kitchen, "Darren come clean this mess up!" Darren stomps of to the kitchen again slamming dishes around. I try to walk by him to get my sandwich and he shoves me backwards. Trey slams him into the wall, "dude you need to leave, that's my sister and she's pregnant with your baby, if you touch her again I'll kill you." Darren shoves passed me again and slams out the door. Trey yells out the window with his hands shaking, "Wait down there, I'll get your stuff together. Trey and Tanner both start throwing his clothes out the window. Just as soon as Darren's truck starts my phone lights up on my bed:
>>Darren: It's over, I'm out.
>Kayleigh: Why, what did I do to you?
>>Darren: I can't stand you anymore.
>Kayleigh: Thanks, glad to know I mean nothing.
>>Darren: ...
>Kayleigh: What?
>>Darren: Forget it.
>Kayleigh: You're right, forget it. Thanks for everything.
>>Darren: Honestly, you all mean nothing to me.
>>Darren: bye
>Kayleigh: Thanks for everything.
>>Darren: You're welcome.
>Kayleigh: You really don't care do you?
>>Darren: I do.
>Kayleigh: Doesn't seem like it.
>>Darren: Just because I wanted out of that place, doesn't mean I don't care.
>Kayleigh: "Honestly, you all mean nothing to me." I'm done talking, I'm done trying, thanks for everything.
>>Darren: Well I lied. Everything hurts.
>Kayleigh: Well I'm sick of being lied too. You really hurt me today.
>>Darren: oh.
>Kayleigh: I have to go, I'll talk to you later.
>>Darren: No don't, it's best you move on.
>Kayleigh: you're probably right.
>>Darren: I guess
>Kayleigh: its best we both do.
>>Darren: I'm done
>Kayleigh: ok..
>>Darren: Yup, have fun.
>Kayleigh: I'll do my best
>>Darren: Whatever.
>Kayleigh: Bye
>>Darren: Bye
​Here I am sitting alone in this darkness. Have you ever gotten to a point in life where you wish you could just go back to being five again? Back when the worst thing you could have done just landed you in time out for all of five minutes. Back when mom and dad was still mommy and daddy. When they were your heroes and you were the light that led the way. If you asked me back when I was five if life was hard, I'd look you dead in the eye and tell you no. How could life be hard with everything handed to me? Here I am now, just barely 18, pregnant with twins and struggling to get by. Living has become one of the hardest things in my life. Waking up and pushing forward is just another task that is becoming pointless. Things have never felt so complicated. When I was younger I couldn't wait to find my prince charming, my knight in shining armor. I couldn't wait to fall in love. The only thing to twist my twisted world upside down. To find that one person who could show me what love really is. I've been with one guy since I was 13. It wasn't until I met him, that my life had meaning. I thought was my one. He fixed everything no matter how hard they got. When my world was shattered he came and picked up the pieces and put it back together one by one. We had dreams and hopes for a brighter future, for a family. In the blink of an eye everything can change, my world was shattered in just a few words.
​
It's the middle of July and I haven't heard one word from Darren. It has been another two weeks, I suppose that makes me twelve weeks pregnant, and I have an appointment with the doctor today. Do you know what it's like to feel completely alone? I'm surrounded by strangers, a bunch of really pregnant girls and some of them look as scared as me. I couldn't convince my brother to come with me, and Tanner is working. When at home they spend most of their time in the bathroom doing drugs. I'm isolated, they are scared to be around me, afraid I might break. Which is true, I feel as if I could break down at any moment. I even sent a message to Darren today about this appointment but he never called me. I'm in this alone, and I'm scared. I'm sitting in a waiting room with three other girls, they all have someone with them either a friend, or boyfriend. The clock on the wall ticks slowly and everything feels like its dragging out. The lady next to me flips through pages of baby books sighing with every other page. I wonder what she is reading, if it is something worthwhile. The girl on my right taps the pen on the clip board they give you when you first walk it and it seems like it is matching the beat of my jack hammering heart. A lady with long dark hair dressed in dark blue scrubs walks out from the back, "Kayleigh?" I stand slowly, with my legs and hands shaking with every step. "Hi." My voice is weak as she smiles, "How are you feeling dear?" I just smile slightly and fold my arms across my chest, "Nervous, don't be." She smiles and leads me in a small room in the back. She hands me a gown, "Put this on and the doctor will be in shortly." She closes the door behind her. I take my shirt and pants off and stand in front of a full length mirror. I have a small baby bump as most people would say. "Twins." I say to myself out load slipping the gown over my head. A slight knocking on the door draws my attention, "Hi, Kayleigh, I'm Dr. Mossberg, OBGYN, how are you doing?" I nod my head and a place my hands folded in my lap. "I'm doing ok, just coming to terms with everything. She nods, "Very well, shall we take a look?" I nod my head and lie back on the bed. She puts the gel on my stomach and starts the machine, "Well look at that, twin boys," My head shoots forward and she makes a circle around two penis shaped objects. "Boys?" She nods her head, "I'd say your about 15 weeks." I sink back into the bed, "The nurse said 10 weeks two weeks ago." She smiles, "Sometimes it's hard to tell when you aren't trained in the field directly." She smiles and prints off some pictures, "Here you go momma," she hands me some pictures of their profile, and their little boy parts, along with feet and arms. I am in love, they are my boys.
​
Back home Trey is in a really good mood, he sits on the couch with one leg folded in his lap, "What did the doctor say?" He smiles big, so I hand them the pictures, "nephews, awesome, think they look like me?" he does his stupid chuckle and holds the profile pictures up to each side of his face. Tanner walks in the door, "What's so funny guys?" Trey jumps to his feet with pictures in hand, "Look nephews." Tanner smiles, but it quickly fades as Darren steps out of the bathroom. My body instantly trembles, "What are you doing here?" my voice cracks as my tears start to pool. He looks at Trey standing next to Tanner and then all three sets of eyes turn to me. I burst out the door taking the pictures out of Tanner's hands before Darren has a chance to look. "Kayleigh, wait!" Jimmy's voice calls from behind. I turn around and shake my head, "Please wait." Jimmy jogs down the hallway, "I'll walk with you. Keep the bad guys at bay." I can't help but laugh, he throws his arms around my shoulders and snatches the pictures out of my hand before I can hide them. "Twins huh, and they belong to that jerk." I shake my head as we walk slowly to his apartment, "They belong to me, not him." He nods like he understands, he opens the door to his apartment. Inside is a big one bedroom apartment, with an actual kitchen and living room. I guess selling drugs gets him the finer things in life. There is a pile of beer cans in the kitchen next to the sink, and he has a blanket and pillow laid out on his couch, "I was just watching a movie before I heard your door slam." I smile slightly, "Sorry." He pulls my arm to stop me, "don't be," he pulls me into his arms with a warm embracing hug, "It's better with you here." He pulls me onto the couch next to him and covers us both with a blanket, I feel safe for once. On the big TV he turns on Spider-man 3, "I hope this is ok." I nod and rest my head on his chest, "Whatever works, I just needed away from him." He slowly brushes the hair out of my face, "I hope I didn't get you in trouble the other night with that kiss, Tanner looked upset." I match his stare smiling, "No trouble, it's not up to him what I do, I liked it." He leans in closer, "does that mean I can do it again?" this time I don't wait for him to lean in, I press my lips softly against his. The kiss seems to last forever, as soon as we both take our shirts off someone bangs on the door, "Lay down and cover up. He gets up off the couch without putting his shirt back on, his jeans hug his skinny waist line. As he opens the door I hear three voices. Tanner, Trey and Darren step in closing the door behind him. Darren's eyes meet mine as he spots my shirt on the floor, his eyes scowl at me, "What are you doing here?" Trey and