Run, Hide, Survive

The Ghosts of Yesterday

There have been very few times in my life that I haven't had something to say to someone. This was one of them. For a moment my mother and I just stood there. I glanced down at my feet slowly looked up, as if a pupeteer was pulling my chin by a string. As my mother embraced me in a warm and gentle hug, I figured out what needed to be said. I needed and wanted to say "I love you" so badly, but what came out was just a flat, "Thank you." My mother just nodded. "Why dont you call the children in? I would love to get to know them." My mother claimed, ending the awkward silence that had been bubbling inside of us. "Of course." I smiled lightly. I walked out of the living room to the door leading to the backyard where Xanth and Mako are tackling Kanan and Hera holds Toran close to her, shielding him from too much sun. I smiled. "Hey kiddos! Come on in, I'd like you to meet someone

After a long evening of laughter, special treats for the children, and long talks of stories about war from all the adults after the kids were fast asleep, I yawned exhaustedly. It had been a long few days without much rest. My mother gave me a warm look and nodded as if she already knew I was going to excuse myself to get some rest. I made my way upstairs, checking on my little ones for the last time tonight and then flopping backwards into my soft, warm bed across the hall. Nothing has really changed much in my room. All of my art was still hung up on the walls and my little tooka doll still layed on my bedside table, coated with dust. I didn't bother to wash up or even change out of my clothes, for I was far too drowsy to even pull the covers over myself before I fell asleep.

That very night, I woke up to a voice. Lux. He was calling out for help, his voice echoing through the house. I sat straight up and burst through my bedroom door, trying to locate him. "Lux?! Lux, where are you?" I called out. He kept yelling for me, and I frantically searched every corner of the house until I found him back in my room, standing there staring into my eyes. "Lux!" I exclaimed, sprinting towards him with open arms. He smiled and greeted me the same way, but when I reached him there was nothing to hold. "What?" I whimpered, staggering back until I tripped over a toy speed racer next to my bed. I fell flat on my back as Lux seemed to grow angry. "Why didn't you save me Ahsoka? Why? You were too late, always too late! Why did you let them kill me?!" Lux pulled a blaster and judging kept shooting at me, but the lasers merely passed through me, as if I were the ghost and Lux weren't. I could feel tears burning my eyes as I screamed in agony. The loss, the hatred, and the guilt flooded into my thoughts until I could no longer see anything but pitch black. 

I quickly tried stop sobbing as a figure approached me. I saw myself. Looking up at her she smiled at me. "I am you... This is what you've become Ahsoka." She told me. Her eyes faded into a vibrant yellow as her gains turned a rich dark purple. "You are a killer! You are falling to pieces, you will never be the same, for you have failed the ones you love the most." At that and image of Lux appeared in the air, after him our three children surfaced. As they faded away Obi Wan surfaced and dissolved into Plo Koon, who turned into Kalifa, who dissipated into Rex, then Luminara Unduli, Padmè Amidala, and finally, Anakin Skywalker. In a twist of events all of them appeared once more, spinning around me and cursing me for my wrongs. Abandonment. Selfishness. Recklessness. Weakness. Distrust. And worst of all, failure.