5 january 2015
if i were honest with you, i'd tell you how fucking hard it is to simply be alive. i wake up every morning and my first thought is the dread of getting out of bed, the second is spent calculating how much time ill be alone and how long until i will be awake. i go to school miserable and my mood only gets worse throughout the day. my heart starts beating so fast and hurting so much that i dont know whether im having anxiety or dieing, but most of those times i hope that its the ladder of the two just so i can escape. im so fucking sad all the time and i dont know how to fix it and it scares me. i dont trust anyone enough to tell them this because im so scared they'll say something to someone and i'll have to go back to the hospital. i'm not bad enough for the hospital yet but no one would believe me.
