Loving You

I. Shattered

Friday, November 25th, 2011

"Kid. I don't know who the fuck you are, but leave." His eyes were alight with rage I'd never seen before.

"But I-"

"How many fucking times do I have to say it? I've never seen you before, bitch. Your name doesn't ring a goddamn bell. Get the fuck outta here. And don't bother coming back. Ever."

My heart shattered into a million little pieces, and my insides felt like they were burning to ash. Tears stung my eyes as I stared at him, half-expecting him to give up his cruel joke. He didn't. His lips were curled into a hateful sneer and there was a wild, dangerous glow in his eyes that I would never be able to unsee.

Two weeks. That's all it took for my life to turn completely upside down. Before that, before the accident, he'd loved me. The Casper Hall I'd known since I was in second grade never would've spoken to me that way. He never would've looked at me like that. I thought we were gonna get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. I'd spent practically my whole life believing that was how my future was meant to be.

I was wrong. The realization broke me. I couldn't even think straight. The only thing I knew for certain was that I had to leave.

In a blind panic, within just a few hours of being released from the hospital, I managed to pack up every single thing I owned into a large duffel bag and three big trash bags destined for the first dumpster I saw. My largest, most expensive possession was my keyboard, which I'd carefully packed up and stored in the back of my truck. Pretty much nothing else really mattered to me. I spent several days scouring our apartment, making sure to purge every trace of my existence. Including taking all the pictures of myself I could find. It was the pettiest thing I probably could've done. But after the way he'd looked at me, I figured he wouldn't mind.

With tears streaking down my cheeks and my stomach churning with nausea, I silently whispered my goodbyes as I left the only city I'd ever known for the very first time.

* * *

My old, rusty truck made a horrible, whiny, growling sound, as I pulled over to the side of the road. The second the car stopped, Bexley started fussing and hiccupping in her car seat next to me. Cursing under my breath, I pulled out my phone, lifting it toward the sky to try to get just one bar of service. No such luck. I didn't even know who I would've called anyway.

"Sh... it's okay, sweet girl," I cooed, wiggling my fingers in front of her face, trying to distract her from the fact that we'd stopped moving. She was the happiest when the car was in motion. As she started to get more and more upset, I scooted over and unbuckled her car seat, pulling her out and lifting my shirt to offer her a breast. She immediately took my nipple into her mouth and started sucking greedily, even though it'd been less than an hour since I'd last pulled over and fed her.

While she ate, I sobbed. She wasn't quite six-months-old, and yet, we'd already moved four times. Every time I found a place where I thought we could finally settle, something happened. Nobody wanted to hire an eighteen-year-old high school dropout with a baby. As much as I tried to be as frugal as possible, my savings were running dry quicker than I could make money working whatever odd jobs I could find. Usually cleaning and housesitting for random people. I existed on coffee and gas station food, while I struggled with the will to get out of bed most days.

I was in the middle of trying to hype myself up, when there was a knock on the window. I jumped, and covered myself up a little, while the baby continued to eat. Wiping at my eyes, I glanced over, expecting to see a cop, but instead, it was a man who looked like he'd just rolled around in dirt and laid out in the sun all day. It was freezing outside, so I only cracked the window.