Silent Genius

Chapter 22

March 2011 continued

The next morning I meet my mother in the lobby of the hotel. She greets me with a smile but I just scowl at her, I don’t feel like she deserves even a pity smile. We go into one of the hotels many cafes and sit down. She orders wine.

‘For breakfast?’ I ask.

‘I have a headache, Tanna.’

‘I’m sorry seeing me is such a hassle for you,’ I say.

‘You should be,’ she says, ‘you’re my daughter, you should treat me with some respect.’

I do my best not to bite. She smiles smugly and sips her wine.

‘Now, what did you want to tell me?’ I ask instead.

‘What do you want to know?’ she keeps sipping.

‘How about why you left?’

‘Claire.’

‘Claire?’

‘Yes, Claire.’

‘Care to elaborate or are you going to make this as difficult as possible?’

‘I’ll stop being difficult when you start treating me with respect.’

‘I only give respect to those who deserve it.’

‘And I don’t deserve it?’

‘You left your husband and three children without telling us why. Then you show up in Paris, only see your youngest daughter, who is apparently the reason you left, and act like a stuck-up bitch to your eldest daughter.’

‘How dare you use that language with me.’

‘Oh, get over yourself.’

‘I’ll leave if you want me to.’

‘I never wanted you to come in the first place.’

She’s silent.

‘I left because I’m a bad mother,’ she whispers.

‘Now there’s something we can agree on.’

‘Tanna!’

‘It’s true, isn’t it? You never tried to understand what Claire was saying. You only wanted her to tell you. You never encouraged her to learn sign language. I’ve been taking care of her since she was born. Were you ashamed of her? Is that why you left? You don’t want to be associated with a mute girl? Because, if that’s true, then you really are a terrible mother.’

‘Of course I’m not ashamed of Claire,’ she huffs.

‘Then what is it? Tell me, for god sakes.’

‘If a mother can’t understand her own kids, then she is no mum,’ she says, ‘I left because I knew you guys would do better without me. From what your father’s told me, I was right. Tom’s received a scholarship to the university of his choice because of his academic grades and hockey. You have been offered a spot at the Australian Ballet Academy. Claire is excelling at everything at her school. Your lives are better without me.’

‘Tom turned down his scholarship because he’s planning on taking a gap year, advised by the school councillor when you left. I have to turn down the spot at the academy because, without my mum at home, there’ll be no one to take care of Claire when Tom’s at hockey and Dad’s at work. And Claire is exhausting herself with her work because she thinks that if she does well in school her mum will come back,’ I’m crying.

Mum doesn’t know what to do. She just finishes her glass of wine and pours herself another.

‘Don’t you get it, Mum? Without you we can’t do these amazing things we’ve been offered.’

‘I didn’t know,’ she says robotically.

‘Well, you should. You should know because you’re our mum. You weren’t a bad one until you left.’

‘Do you want me to come back?’

‘No.’

‘No?’

‘Because I don’t want you to break Claire’s heart again the next time things get too hard and you leave us.’

With that, I stand up and leave her, sitting gobsmacked, at the table.