Love Is A Drug

Chivalry is Dead

I wonder why in our society chivalry is not present anymore?
Why couldn't it be like the early 90's or whatever century it was when guys would actually go to your doorstep, knock on your door and ask parents for permission to go out with a girl?
Nowadays they just slide into your Dm's call you mami and ask for a picture of your junk. It's honestly really sad and depressing.
What will become of the incoming generations?

All these thoughts go through my head at 1 in the morning.

Most people don't even know what chivalry is or that it used to exist.
Chivalry:noun; the combination of qualities expected in an ideal knight especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice and a readiness to help the weak.
These qualities are rarely found in this lifetime. It's as rare as seeing a lion eat a penguin at a zoo.

I have all these thoughts yet I'm still lusting over a relationship like this. In fact I had one, but more discreet and cuter than the methods I've been thinking about.

It all started a few years back when I was ending my freshman year and was just barely starting to end my awkward phase....somewhat.
The memory is always foggy in the beginning. If you were to ask the guy how we met it'd be somewhat different to my version. He would say we met through a chatting app and got to know each other more through Instagram and instantly fell for each other. But I would say that we met on Instagram and then started talking through the chatting app and after I had to listen to him talk about a girl he liked then we started to fall for each other.
But basically the same thing right?

We didn't rush into things like most kids these days do, we actually took time to know about each other. It took us about two months before we actually decided to be a thing. Well he actually just called me babe one day and ever since I called him babe back we became "a thing". I say "a thing" relationship because we never made it official and he never asked me to be his girlfriend we just called each other babe. Trust me when I say there are more "a thing" relationships these days than there are polar bears..... One example that chivalry is dead.
The beginning of our "a thing" relationship is foggy for me as well but it was pretty great. As any other relationship it was perfectly peachy. He would say sweet nothings to me and worry about me and make me feel like an actual girl. He made me happy and as in any other relationship he supposedly helped me through my rough times. Its funny how just because someone was with you during your hard times in life they become someone special to you..... but then in the end they find a way to break you.
Did I also mention that we fell under the category of "long distance". I only consider it long distance even though we lived 45 min away from each other because we never hung out with each other. Ha! He lived in the town next to mine but yet we only met once in our "a thing" relationship. But in that factor I do blame myself. My parents are very strict and I wasn't able to date (still same rule to this day) so telling my parents that I wanted to go see him wasn't an option. So I had to wait months until I could finally see him at my birthday party. Drum roll please......my parents met him too and they found out we were "a thing" too. They did NOT take it well. Ok this part is actually funny because he kept complaining to me that my mom would give him a death glare. It still makes me laugh today. But that was the first day I regret ignoring the signs that he was a complete poop head. My cousins kept an eye on him (my guy cousins included) and one of them saw him sending kissy and heart emojis to someone. That was the first true evidence that he wasn't a perfect prince as I thought him to be. Before that day countless of important people in my life had told me that they didn't like him or that he gave them a bad vibe. But of course as any heart crushing relationship I didn't listen to any of them because I was "blinded by love". Now I find no meaning in "blinded by love" because that phrase doesn't exist to me anymore in a personal sense.
After that eventful day my parents scolded me for being with him and as any non sensible teen I disobeyed their rules and kept talking to him. During that time period of our relationship it started changing. Of course you know that all guy teens start to develop a great amount of testosterone ,making them go through the hormonal sexual stage. But that doesn't just happen to guys it also happens to girls. So as any other relationship in our generation we reached the "dirty stage". The dirty stage consists of talking sexual and sometimes showing private parts of your body to your partner. I know many would say that's ridiculous and nasty and vulgar but most would be lying if they said they never went through this stage. Its ugly but thats the truth. He was the first guy I ever talked dirty to. He was the first penis I ever saw.(now that I can compare it to others trust me it was a really good size). He was the first person who ever got to see me in my bras and underwear (he never got to see me without them thank God). And second drumroll please.... my parents found out about our dirty actions as well. My mom asked to see my phone and without knowing it she looked through my messages and BOOM she found the sacred texts me and him exchanged. Thank the lord the pictures had been deleted.
As you can imagine they were really really really really upset with me(understatement because they actually wanted to kill me and dance on my grave) after they had specifically told me to end our relationship and later find out that their daughter described wanting to do cowgirl actions to a guy. And adding the factor that I was their first daughter (and oldest child) of course they didn't know how to deal with it. They went absolutely crazy (they even cried) and so they took all my privileges away, which in fact weren't many:took my phone away and didn't let me go out with my cousins.
But as a rebellious teen I would grab my phone from its hidden spot and kept on messaging him. And again I got caught a few times and they kept hiding the device in different places but I would always find it(astonishingly and proudly).
But when did I finally learn/get through my thick stubborn "blinded by love" skull that he was a womanizer!? Well the answer to that will be given after this break of commercials. Jk! I found out he was a womanizer and only cared about getting dirty with me after he broke up with me.
During the end of our relationship I wanted to stop talking dirty so much and wanted to talk to him as my friend. I could tell he didn't like it very much. But then one day I got drunk and had my phone with me and for some odd reason (I didn't see it as odd at the time) he talked to me as just a friend. Next thing I know he texts me so its cool if were just friends? and since I was drunk I happily responded yeah no problem at all. Rereading the messages the next day was like receiving a high five....but to my face. But I didn't ask him why because I had accepted rather quickly that I couldn't change what had happened. The next day he had messaged me like if we never had "a thing" and had always been friends. A few days later it finally sunk that he had broken up with me and I finally got sad as any other girl gets after a break up so I stopped messaging back. Two weeks and half later I find out that he has a girl friend. Who fudging fudge gets a girlfriend in two and a half weeks?? Obviously he had to have been talking to her longer than two weeks so I put two and two together and realized he must have been talking to her while me and him were still "a thing".
After that realization I felt like the stupidest girl ever for have gotten in trouble with my parents so many times for him. So I deleted him from everything after that except for Instagram. At least once a week I would check through his profile because sadly he still had a piece of my heart (he doesn't anymore) . About a month and a half later he messaged me on Instagram to tell me happy birthday to which I didn't respond. A month after that he texted me wanting to know how I was and saying that he missed me. For a few seconds I believed him ,but then the seconds ended. A few months later he broke up with the girl he left me for and about two weeks later he found another girl. Again and again he would message me through my social media saying how sorry he was and wanting to be a part of my life but I never gave him the chance.
It took me about a year to get over him and realize that I had to listen to the people that actually cared about me. I had promised myself that I would try to be a better person and that I would not repeat the same story with any other guy.