The fourth day had the same unbearable feeling with it since I woke up. Like I had promised to Ian to do so, I smiled. I did not want it to be a plain routine and I don't think it will ever be, since it reminds me of the man I loved dearly, I kept in mind and heart that Ian wants me to do this. He gives me motivation, even after he's gone. Every I love you he told me gave me strength.
Even if I uttered the words 'Til death do us part, I don't think that would happen any time sooner. My heart is and forever will be his, and he will bring it to the grave. So will I to his. We were inseparable, you know. The only thing between us now is the glass over half of his body and this damn casket. Crazy as it may sound, I wanted to hug his lifeless body. I just miss him. I'm not even crying anymore. When I woke up today, I did the challenge but I did not cry after. Although, I still felt that a large part of me was missing and the thought that I can never get it back because it's with Ian only made me feel more hollow. My eyes were surely tired and just resting from all the crying I did these past few days but the weeping won't end any sooner, I am certain.
Tita Clara walked up to me with her eyes puffier than mine and it broke my heart more to see her at this state. She asked, or ordered me rather to eat a full meal. I obeyed her since I was feeling light-headed already and my stomach had been protesting since days ago. I only had water to fill me up and the lack of food in my system contributed well to the mental and emotional wreck I already was.
I'll be back, Ian. My hand landed on the three santan flowers on top of the glass of his casket, right above his chest. I picked it up at the side of the road near our house. It made me smile. The memories it brought back were priceless. I reminisced as I walked outside the funeral home and to the carinderia nearby.
"Hey! What are you doing? You've been crouching there for hours!" The eleven-year-old me complained exaggeratedly. I was sitting on one of the circular benches across the school's quadrangle with my feet swaying alternatively and my arms crossed over my chest.
Ian looked back at me with a glare. "I'm not croushing for hours! And don't bother me here, I'm looking for something!"
I made a face when he pronounced the word wrong. He always did that to words with ch. He would pronounce it as sh. He would always be watshing the TV, he would want me to scratsh his back when it was itshy, he would want to go to the beash, and he hates leeshes because they suck blood. Good thing, he doesn't cheat on tests because if he told me he sheats on tests, I would most definitely run to Tita Clara and tell her he's cursing. It's bad. Tsk tsk tsk.
I didn't ask him any more questions and decided I'll just let him be. I remembered we have three assignments and a take home quiz in Math. Golly. Ian's good at Math, thank heavens. I remained sitting quietly with a pout on my face as I looked at his back. His uniform is already drenched in sweat while I was comfortably sitting under the shade of the tree enclosed by the circle bench. I almost walked up to him to hand him his towel from his backpack that was also sitting beside mine on the bench when he suddenly jumped and shouted, "Eureka!"
I jumped in surprise too as I wondered what he just said but what caught my attention after was the thing he was holding. I pouted again when I realized what it was. It was just a santan flower and he looked like he had found a gold-filled treasure chest with his super duper wide smile when in fact, there were a LOT of santan bushes all over the school grounds. "Eh," was all I could say.
