The Distance Between Him And ... Him?

Chapter 4

My mom got there pretty quickly so I waved to Jeffrey and left. My moms smile was welcoming and warm. She reached out to ruffle my hair like she had always done. I flinched under her touch luckily she didn't notice.
I quickly made my way to my room where I let my self curl into a ball of misery. I broke down after a few minutes a sobbed quietly into my knees. I wasn't... A virgin anymore... I didn't have my first time with someone I loved. I was raped.
How could I let that happen to myself. How could I let then touch me. I wasn't innocent. I wasn't pure anymore. No one want used merchandize. I can't let Jeffrey touch me anymore. He can't kiss my lips where someone else has kissed.
Then the phone rang bringing me out of my thoughts and I reached for the phone. The caller ID said it was Washy. My heart flew. Washy was the only person I could trust with this secrecy wasn't she... Or would she throw me away because her best friend let Bob touch him.
I answered the phone and listened to her rant but something stupid. Her voice was so calming. I broke down. I started to cry into the phone. I heard her stop talking about school food or what ever she had been talking about and turn to make sure I was okay. I refused to tell her. The the phone sent dead.
She didn't love me. I told myself. She doesn't care. I started to think no one could love me. Not once they know.
I walked into the bathroom and searched for something. I didn't know what at the time but once I saw them I realized what I had been looking for. Blades... Razor blades.
I took one and stared at it. I was hesitate about hurting myself before I remembered how useless I was anyway. I was a used good. So I let the blade sink into my flesh and glide across it. Line after line. Cut after cut. I let the blood fall into the sink.
I looked at the cuts the decorated my arm. They reminded me of my pain. There was maybe 10 on my right arm because my left hand was steadier. The lines were straight and perfect.
I rinsed each cut and cleaned them thoroughly before changing into a long sleeved shirt and laying in bed. I heard the window open and my head shot up only to stare into darkness.
"I came through the Windew" washy
said from the dark "get it?"
"Yeah I get it Windew like your last name." I say relived. Then I remember how I broke down on the phone with her.
"Are you okay Jamey?" She asks concern lacing her cheerful voice. She flashes me her signature smile. She wouldn't smile at me if she knew.
"I'm perfect." I say with what I hope is a convincing smile. "You can go home"
"If your sure." She says even more concern in her voice as she goes to leave.
I'm so stupid how could I let her get this close to me!! I'm worthless. I probably wanted what I got. I didn't fight them off and I didn't tell anyone.
I headed into the bathroom pulled off my t shirt and bracelets and stared to get out the razor blades again.