saving seohyun

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"Dying is only one thing to be sad over...Living unhappily is something else." - Morrie Schwartz
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seohyun

"seohyun-ah, everything is going to be just fine, okay?"

"yes, eomma."

i sighed, resting my head against the car window. i glanced at the abnormally large bandage around my wrist, wishing i could believe what my mother had said, but everything won't be okay.

maybe my parents thought it would be good to start over, but i simply don't. now there was pressure on me to make new friends at school, but who knew who would be my true friend or who'll be like her and leave me when i need them the most?

maybe it is for the better, that way no one will look at me weird in the hallways and i won't get millions of questions a day, regarding my suicide attempt. maybe i can just stay in the back, not causing any attention to myself. maybe that way i can save myself from fake friends.

it wasn't long before we arrived at our new house. of course it was huge, almost as big as a mansion. well, what did you expect when your mother is a dentist and your father is a doctor, especially very good ones? of course they brought pressure on me to do good in school and follow their footsteps. our house was surrounded by other large house, probably 6 or 7 feet between each house.

as we exited the car, i glanced at the house to the left of ours and saw the curtain of one of their windows being pulled back. i automatically looked away, hoping they didn't see me looking at their window, probably looking like a stalker.

my father had come earlier and was currently out, handling some business stuff. everything in the house was already furnished. all we had to do was just unpack all our belongings and put them away. once we entered the house, i followed the directions my mother told me to my room.

once i got there, i was greeted by a sight of boxes and sighed as i laid down on my uncovered bed. i stayed there for a little, looking up at the white ceiling before getting up and examining my room.

my room was quite large; it included a loft, where the entrance to my room was the under the loft stairs. my large bed was placed in the middle of the wall, where there was a shelf placed to the side of it and my bedside table on the other. on my loft, there was my desk that had some shelves above it pushed into the corner far from the stairs. along the wall, there were some hooks placed.

down on the regular level of my room, there were two doors right next to each other; one was my bathroom and the other was my closet. my closet was just a small walk-in, nothing too fancy. it had enough room for all my clothes and shoes. there also was a large mirror on one of the sides of the wall. my bathroom was simple; bath, shower, sink, and toilet.

there was another wall that had double glass doors that led out to the balcony

i began unpacking the boxes, filling it books on my shelve, placing my lamp on my bed stand, putting my backpacks on the hooks on my loft, setting up my computer at my desk, filling in my closet, putting my essentials in my bathroom, etc.

it was probably a couple hours later when i finally unpacked the last box from my room. i flopped down on my now soft bed and stared up at the ceiling again.

i probably would get some plants, to put on my window sill and on the balcony; probably some succulents so i don't have to water them too often. i pulled out my phone. i didn't get many texts since my incident. i guess everyone was scared of me. that's where i realized i never had any true friends.

i deleted a lot of my social media accounts after the incident. i got too obsessed with them anyways. i mostly spend my time reading books anyways. i have to study hard also. no time for friends or activities. just school, school, school.

i leave my bed and head out to the balcony. it was a pretty warm day today, i guess. my bedroom was on the side facing the house i was looking at earlier. there was also another room directly across from mine that also had a balcony.

it had glass doors also and judging from the look of it, i would think that there was a boy living there, but who knows? maybe there's a girl living there.

i returned to my bed, snuggling up into my covers.

i cried.

i don't want to live anymore. i don't want to deal with this anymore. everything feels numb. i find no joy in things anymore. i honestly don't see the point in living anymore. maybe i'm being too dramatic. maybe it's just a one time thing. i don't know. i know one thing for sure though.

i'm not okay.

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so um this is gonna be a sad story. there were no seohan moments, but I promise in the next chapter there will be ;) I hoped you enjoyed💞

- abbie