A single tear rolls down my face,
and soon dozens more come to take its place.
i need some sort of noise to drown out the buzz.
Because all of my sins are reminding me what my life was.
I wish i could blame this on some sort of phase,
But i cannot ignore this cloud of misery,
this awful, thick, dense haze.
I cant stop the screaming that is destroying my mind,
but i cant let you look,
in fear of what you might find.
Why am i this way?
So sickened and lost?
If my soul is the price to win back my life,
then i'll gladly pay the cost.
Try closing your eyes, try plugging your ears so where you cant hear a thing. So that its dead silent. Humans can't handle that. You start going crazy. you start hallucinating, but you can't see, so you just feel. You feel like people are touching you, like things are crawling on you. You go mad. You go Mad.
You Go Mad.
Something, or some one, is laying on top of me. I can feel their warm body heat against my own cold skin. I can't help but feel a little bit panicked. I shouldn't be.
I know where i am now. I'm safe in my bed, and what i had was just a dream.
Just a dream, Just a Dream.
Their voices mock me from in my head. I struggle to push off the body on top of me, causing him to mumble something before rolling over.
And i have no idea who he is. Or who i am.
Suddenly, all my memories, my feelings, my love, they're all gone. All i can see is darkness, my vision gone.
I jump up and stumble towards the bathroom. My knee collides with something and i'm sent crashing to the floor.
Now i can't hear.
But i can certainly feel it when a glass vase or something of the sort smashes onto my head, and glass impales itself into my head.
Now some ones shaking me, but i can't hear their voice, or mu own as i scream and thrash, trying to get the demons away.
The thing lets go, and i scramble away, and run into the bathroom door. I hardly notice the pain it causes, because i know everything is a threat now. I wrench open the door, and slam it shut.
I can hardly breath now.
But i can feel.
I can still feel.
Still feel. Still feel.
They're at it again, and the pain shoots through me ten times more brutal than before. I'm screaming, or at least i think i am. I can't hear.
And i cant see.
I feel tears running down my face, out of my eyes. I feel the blood running from the gashes on my head, and on my cheek. Everything hurts.
I scream out the words "GOD WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME JUST MAKE IT STOP!", but they're lost to my ears.
I don't remember- no, i can't remember.
I feel my way over to the bathtub, and slide down the tiled wall so that I'm sitting in it.
My skin feels disgusting, like tiny little insects are crawling all over it. I take off my shirt, my shorts, everything that is touching me.
But it doesn't help. It still feels all prickly, so uncomfortable, so wrong.
The buzz is back, that awful sound like static from a radio. It whirls around my head, mocking and jeering at me as i sob desperately, taking out chunks of my own hair and curling my toes tightly.
I still can't hear my voice.
I scream until my throat goes raw.
I still can't see. Even with my eyelids pried open by my own hands.
So i start scratching at them.
I feel the pain but its almost triumphant when i feel blood pouring from my empty sockets.
I just want it all to end.
I ant to believe its a bad dream, but this has happened before.
Not any more. Never again, never again.
I don't have a blade. I don't have a razor, or a knife.
So i bite my wrist.
I bite it so hard blood pours into my mouth.
The pain is like nothing I've ever felt.
But it works.
I start to die.
I start to die.
And I know they've won.
And i can't feel.
No more.
Never again.
Never.
