His Control

First Day

                                                                       *Now*

I stared blankly out the small window that looked to the water. The small ripples in the lake looked cold. The September air made everything this morning look chilled. Even the dock that sat on the other side of the lake looked more broken than it had the whole summer. The wooden planks had brutal divots in them, showing its age. As if even a fragile bird were to land on the planks the whole dock would cave in on itself.

I let out a jagged breath and turn away from the window and all the hurt that it was suddenly bringing.

There was a soft knock on the door.

Without saying anything it opened a crack. “You awake?” a voice asked quietly.

I nod. “Yeah.” I answer.

With the cue Aunt Maggie steps into the bedroom.

She looked tired as her dark hair was piled up on top of her head minus a few strands that had escaped and curled around her neck. The corners of her eyes drooped reminding me of a lost puppy. Her pale complexion matched her white bathrobe.

“Good morning sweet pea.” she says, softly as she sits herself beside me on the unmade bed.

“Morning.” I say, trying to sound happy. As if this wasn't going to be the hardest day of my life.

She smiles at me, sympathy drips off the corners of her slim lips. Her eyes looked at me like I was a piece of Gran's china. More fragile than anything in the world.

“Are you ready for today?” shes asks, gently as she moves a piece of chocolate stained hair out of my eyes.

I look at her. My eyes said it all. Do you think that ready? To be the new girl. Not only the new girl, but the new girl who's parents have been ripped away from her. The new girl that everyone already knows her story. The new girl that gets sympathetic glances and pity. Soft voices and gently touches. I'm the farthest away from ready as you can get.

She wraps her arms around me pulling me close, close enough that I could smell the minty lavender shampoo that she used the night before. I let my body fall into hers, as I shut my eyes. Holding back the tears making my throat burn. She kisses the top of my head and whispers. “I miss them too.”

I was the dock across the lake, one small touch and I am broken, I am caving in on myself.

* * * * * * * * * *

“I packed your lunch Jannie, its over by the fridge.” Aunt Maggie says, as she points to a brown paper bag on the counter next to the fridge.

I nod. “Thanks.”

“Jannie!” a voice squeals.

I turn around to see Cameron jumping up and down as he hurried over to me.

I smile and hold out my hands, in one swift motion I lift him into my arms. “Good morning!” I say, kissing the top of his head.

“Jannie it's-it's the day first of school!” he shouts, excitedly.

I let out my best enthusiastic laugh that I could manage. For a moment I wish I could feel as carefree as Cameron.

“Cam sweetie, it's the first day of school.” Aunt maggie corrects. As she finishes cleaning up our breakfast. Which consisted of pancakes and overcooked bacon.

He ignores Aunt Maggie’s correction and wiggles out of my grip and begins to dance around the kitchen.

“Okay, are you all packed up?”

I nod. As I grab my lunch and slid it into my bag. Suddenly I was overcame with a sense of deja-vu.

“Put that down!” Mom yelps, playfully as she rushes over to Cameron. Cameron ran from her with a plastic spatula covered in batter in his hand.

Cameron screams with amusement as he ran around the kitchen.

Dad entered the room with his glasses on the bridge of his nose and newspaper under his arm.

He scoops Cameron up with one hand tossing him over his shoulder. Cameron kicked and laughed endlessly, dropping the spatula. Mom wipes her brow as she sees dad coming to the rescue.

Mom gives dad a look, one that I’ve only seen between them. It was strong, ensuring that they would go through heaven and hell to have each other. I felt warm just sending there studying them.

Dad looks to me and smiles. “First day of high school. Weren't you wearing diapers as of yesterday?” he asks sarcastically. I roll my eyes and grab my backpack. “You'll do great sport.” he says, as he gives my shoulder a tight squeeze. Mom grabs her car keys before pecking cam and dad on the cheek. She looks at me “Jannie are you all packed up?”

Her words echoed through my mind, soon morphing into Aunt Maggie's voice making my head pound.

“Sweet pea are you alright?” Aunt Maggie asks, in a concerned tone as she comes to my side. I grab the counter to sturdy myself, trying to reduce my dizziness.

“yeah, im fine.” I finally spit out.

My insides twisted, as I crave those memories. The ones that once seemed so pointless, now I treasure.

I sling my backpack onto my shoulder. I glance at Aunt Maggie. Giving her the lets-get-this-over-with look. She nods, as she rounds up Cameron and we head out to her car.

Once Cameron is strapped in we drive off to what will now the high school that I attend for junior and senior year.

The ride was about ten minutes, ten minutes of unbearable anxiety that I had to subdue for the sake of the Aunt Maggie and Cameron.

We pull into the what looks like the drop off parking lot. Seas of kids jumped out of cars. Running to their friends,That they haven't seen since who knows when. Suddenly my legs felt like jelly. Aunt Maggie had dragged me to the tours for the school they held over the summer. But with my luck I cant remember a thing about the interior now.

Aunt Maggie places her hand on my knee. Looking at me the way my mom would've. “You'll be fine Sweet Pea.” she says, reassuringly.

I half smile. I didn't know the right words for this moment. If there even was any.

“I love you.” she says, with a warm smile giving my knee another pat.

“you too.” I say, looking away. All of this hurt way to much.

I guess that was my cue to exit the car.

After a moment of stalling I hear Aunt Maggie drive off.

I walked stiffly towards the doors, squeezing through crowds of people. Suddenly the groups kids parted, as if I had some sort of disease and was highly contagious. I tried to pretend to didn't notice, keeping my eyes fixated on the door. My heart kicked my ribcage, my hands began to feel hot along with my cheeks. The doors appeared to be getting further and further away with ever stiff step I took. Even the kids voices had lowered. Giving in to the painful urge I look up at a group of kids. To my surprised they seemed to be looking right past me.

I turn my head to see all the other kids were looking behind me.

I realized that they weren't staring at me, they were staring at him.