West Coast of Clare

Chapter 2: I'm Glad I'm Not You

It lasted for 13 months.13. That's one year and one month. I got tangled up in loose ends and I felt as if I was just pretending to love her. Maybe this love for her isn't actually real. Maybe we were just meant to be friends. Alisha was always there for me and I was always there for her but I didn't feel like she was the one. I decided to break up with her on February 1st of 2007. She was absolutely heartbroken and it did really hurt to see her cry after everything we had been through, but I didn't want to continue this relationship with her if I knew it wouldn't work out in the end. I just didn't feel that way for her, at least not anymore. 

I found out a week later that Alisha was one of those player girls who would date anyone that would stay with her. I realized that all this time and money I spent on her was what she wanted the whole time. I couldn't believe it. I'm lucky that I was able to convince her that we weren't ready to have sex when she wanted to real bad. Apparently every guy she has dated in the past 2 years, which happened to be 10 guys not counting me, she had sex with. I wish I knew this before. All she wanted from me was money, love, affection, and the D. That's it. She never really loved me. It's a good thing that I broke up with her because she could have been trouble down the road.

I decided after I found all of this out about her, the girl whom I thought really loved me, that I would write a song to communicate it to her. It was the only way I could communicate to her why I broke up with her. It was mainly because after a while, I didn't feel anything special for her like I had before. Part of that song went like this:

"Let me know where you let your heart go, and I will just pretend that I have never felt this way. Since you, I have never felt this way. Since you, I feel strange playing games. It's no fuss, I'm not in love. I lost it in your kiss, your lips, sweetness, in your smile. Your words make me whole, but your scar demands a healer's touch. It's true, I'm glad I'm not you."

As intense as that song seems to be, I couldn't help but face the truth. I was sucked into this game and ever since she and I started dating, I felt strange playing in this game of love. I realized that I couldn't complain that I wasn't in love with her. I'm just very glad I'm not with her. I'm glad that she is out of my love life for now. It was as simple as that, I wasn't in love.

[to be continued]