Forgotten Soul

Chapter 2: Human Errors

It's been a few days since the incident with Alexandria. It was difficult while trying to tell her. I didn't plan on having my demons exposed so soon.

******

I kept choking while I was trying to tell her everything. I couldn't help it. It was a touchy subject. The whole time, she just held me. My ego wasn't much but I felt as if it had been torn down.

"Soren it's alright, those things won't ever happen again." Her voice was soft and caring.

"You... You have no clue..." I held my head in my hands and shook.

"I promise. I won't let it happen." I felt her hands rubbing my back, calming my emotions. She's such a sweet girl, this has to be a dream...

******

My past isn't pretty. It's full of dull memories and large, dark bruises. My father was such a sweet man. He tried his hardest to provide for us. We lived in our car for a few years because we couldn't afford a home. We were each other's rock. I always thought that my dad was a hero, despite seeing him cry himself to sleep many nights a week. I was fortunate enough to go to school. The judge said I absolutely had to go, so, I got something sort of like a scholarship which allowed me to go at no expense. I was embarrassed when the other kids made fun of me because I didn't have what they did. It hurt to know that I was poor, but I wasn't ever mad at or upset with my father. I knew that he loved me and that was enough. We only became homeless when my surrogate mother died. My original mother died before she even found out if the egg transfer had worked. When Elleis, my surrogate mother, told my father he was ecstatic. He fell had fallen in love with her throughout the birthing process. She developed cancer when she was about 3 months along with me. She had had cancer when she was younger but it was supposed to have went away. It got so bad that they gave her up for dead for 3 days. She couldn't eat, drink, she couldn't even take care of her personal hygiene. She wouldn't let them take me away. She delivered me with much difficulty. After she got to hold me she kissed my father, told him she was in love with him, and then died holding his hand. He tried killing himself but when I was brought to him so he could take me home, he said that he had never wanted anything more. He took care of me the best way he could. On my tenth birthday, he didn't come to pick me up from school. The teachers didn't care and left me on the front steps to wait for my dad. Instead, a police officer pulled up around ten-thirty that night. He told me he was gonna take me home and I was scared. I wondered how he could possibly know that I lived in a car. I never questioned it though. He took me to the police station and they bluntly told me that my father was shot 8 times in the face and that I couldn't see him. I lost myself, sobbing into his jacket that he had given me that morning in order to keep me warm. After that I was sent to an orphanage. I traveled between many foster homes before I finally ran away. I was treated terribly; mentally, physically, and emotionally scarred. It was utter hell trying to fend for myself. Especially with food. That was the hardest thing. Hunger was a daily routine and I couldn't change it now. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't bring myself to eat more than a child's portion. I'm so used to pain and rejection I expect it from everyone. I wasn't meant to find happiness. Nor was I meant to be loved. I was meant to suffer and continue my journey alone.

Now that I have met Alexandria, there has been a rush of all these different emotions. I don't know what to do with all of them and they are bombarding my senses. They are going to have to stop, before she gets hurts. I have to distance myself now and hell, I work with the girl. I am going to be careful.

You're going to have to watch yourself before you hurt everyone again. We don't need a repeat of last time.

Shut up. I don't want to talk about this. Leave me alone.

You can't get rid of me Soren. I am you. You'd be lost without me.

No I wouldn't. I thought I killed you.

I'm not in the mirror, I'm inside you. You can't kill me, even if you do yourself. You're weak; a failure. You always have been. Why do you think everyone you've known and loved is dead?

FUCK OFF!

And just like that, he disappeared; it was if he was never here in the first place. I despise this. These voices. The thoughts they resurface. It hurts. I can feel the pain in my heart but no where else. The emotional and mental overthrows all of the physical, even though I never feel the latter.

I turned my attention toward Alexandria. She had been arranging the small trinkets around the store all day to keep herself busy while I unloaded boxes and Grams worked the register. Every so often we would have a customer who was usually an older woman who was looking for something to put in her living room or in her antique cabinet that was probably filled with small glass unicorns or cherub figurines that appear to be kissing. You know, typical grandma things. A crash sounded from the back room, startling me out of my thoughts. I rushed from the box I was unpacking and behind the curtain that lead to the back, finding Alexandria with boxes on top of her.

"Shit Alexandria are you alright?" I lifted the heavy box that was covering her neck and chest.

"Soren... I'll be fine..." I pulled her up gently, accidentally tripping on a box and falling with her on top of me.

"I'm so sorry Alexandria, I-"

"It's okay. I really want to take a nap... I've been so tired lately but i can't seem to sleep."

"The pullout couch should be okay... Come on, you need to sleep." I carried her to our secret room. And that is where we both fell into a nightmare-free slumber.