The Red Dewdrop on A Spiderweb

MY PITFUL BEAUTIFUL EIGHT-LEGGED SELF

I was sitting beside my bedroom window. I was in my black school uniform, carving skulls out of flower seeds as usual. It seems weirdly impossible, but i can do it.

Time does not bother me at all. I go to school for no reason; no friends, no goal, no inspiration, no dream,..

I accidentally cut myself after slipping my hands on a tricky side..

"Ouch.."

My skin was really scraped off. It was long, and deep.. and the blood was slowly dripping off my finger, down to my short, navy blue skirt..  Feeling this burning and stinging, i tried to suck the blood...

I'm used to this pain though. Almost everyday, I get wounded by the same blade, by the same reason. But every time I get wounded, it feels new to me, as if it was the first time I was ever cut..

"Arachne, you're late!"

That is my mom. I've been living with no one else but her. I was supposed to have a baby sister, but, she died at birth. My mom have never stopped being like this. Shes been humming while sewing the same Lycoris blanket for her.

I tied my wound and packed my bags. Im going back to school again.

"Mom, I'm leaving"

She stopped sewing the blanket and became silent for a while. Then she stood up, went to the empty baby cradle and rocked it, slowly. 

"Ok Arachne, but make sure to go home early after class. Or else nobody will take care of Lycoris."

It might be weird, but I didn't mind her, not at all. She's always like that since Lycoris died, and I don't blame her for that. I feel the same too, but somehow in a different manner, like i feel this guilt within me, eventhough I didn't kill her, but like, I share the same pain my father feels right now..

Anyways, I don't care, she's always like that. I just picked up my things and opened the front door. Before I could step outside, I stared back at her, looking at her humming and rocking the cradle for a baby that was never born.

But before I could go furthermore, I went to check my garden first. I named it Arachnida garden. I don't know why, maybe because my name is Arachne or maybe because there are a lot of spiderwebs hanging there. Screw it..

I have always loved my garden. Its not because it's beautiful. Truth is, it's not quite that beautiful, it's like an abandoned flower emporium, full of dust, and spiders. But their spiderwebs sparkle every morning with fresh dewdrops sticking on it. I stare at them for long hours to waste the time of my meaningless life.

Anyways, it's not only that.. that garden, was not mine, not at all. It was my family's.

I love my garden..

Me, my mom and dad, it was just us..

Mom and dad loved each other, and everytime I had a special day, all of us would plant our favorite flower.. a lycoris..

But, my dad, I dont know what happened to him,, he became selfish after I became 12, he left us.. and the only thing he doesnt know, mom was pregnant..

No one to ask help with.. mom gave birth at home..

Luckily, she survived, but the child in her womb, died...

And here she is, now, longing for a husband that abandoned her for no reason, and for a child that never even existed...

But, to show my love to my family, I keep on taking care of that only treasure that our family's love made.. the garden..

"Oh, Its 7:50, I'm late.."

Actually, on these past days, I never thought of them.. but I just felt that warm water leak from my eyes. I never leaked ever since dad left..

I guess this day is memorable.. I should plant a lycoris later...

I came to class..

"As always, Arachne Tempestas.. you are LATE AGAIN!!!"

There goes my nightmare.

"Ms President, I can explain.."

"Explain my butt!! Sit down!!"

This is not good, my saviour teacher is not here..

"What on earth-- Cryztal!! Why are you shouting at Arachne!!??"

"W-well shes late Ma'am! She deserves it!! And--"

"Shut your smelly mouth Lintrell!!! You are a president not a discipline chairman! Sit down!!"

"Fine!"

"Talking back eh!? Disrespect! *phle* And you call yourself a president!!"

I love my teacher..

"Ms Tempestas, I read your essays again.. its really very good. How about joining the School Paper editors? You are really something..

"Im sorry maam.. I cant.."

"Why? You'll get a lot of time on, a lot of trips local, or even, international!"

"I am very sorry maam,, but my mother needs me.."

"Yeah, and her imaginary sister!"

I heard someone from the back giggle..

"Quiet students! Do not underestimate your classmate! Your grades do not match hers!! So QUIET!!" my teacher shouted..

"I understand Tempestas.. but if you want to join, I am very happy

to accept you to my club.."

"I.. I, uhm.. g-give me time to think of it.."

"Ok.. I will wait for your decision..

OFFICERS BACK TO YOUR SEATS!!!!!!"

I really love miss Procellis. She's the best teacher I knew since I entered high school..

But still..

People..

"Look there's the weirdo who carves skulls out of seeds everyday!"

"Isn't that a talent? Skulls out of seeds?"

"No! Its weird!"

And students..

"Freak!!"

"She has an imaginary sister.."

"What a weirdo.."

But whatever they say, I don't mind them..

They don't know what my family is going through..

So, if someone dares tell me their life sucks..

Think again..

You're lucky..

That you

dont have

a life..

like mine...

"Mom I'm home..."