Short Story

Remember

At that moment all I wanted was to remember.

Remember everything, just to take away the pain I see whenever I look into his deep brown eyes.

"How can you be here but not be here?" He asked.

I could swear, that he wouldn't be able to say that sentence again with more pain than what it was already carrying. I wanted to tell him that I'm still here, that he didn't lose me just yet, but I can't. Because I know, that there's a possibility he already lost me and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't imagine the pain he must feel everyday to see me, and know that the girl he met isn't me. To see me and know that all the memories we had together aren't in my head being replayed and relived. I reached up to rest my hand on his cheek, I badly want to tell him he doesn't deserve this, but even that, I couldn't do. In that moment, the clock striking midnight, being with him under the shining little dots, I feel safe. And it's because of him, the man I once fell in love with, the man that once had me wrapped around his arms and at least once, the man who's eyes' I searched, same as this very moment. The only difference of this moment and the moment back then, was that instead of the pain, anguish and despair I'm seeing in his eyes right now, I know deep down that I once gazed upon this very same pair of eyes and saw content. 

Thought after thought, feeling after feeling, everything was adding up in my head, it filled me with determination to find myself and be able to look at this pain filled eyes and say,

"I remember."

But in the end, with my hand still resting on his cheek, all I could mutter were two words that couldn't and wouldn't change anything.

And those words were,

"I'm sorry."