Such Disgrace

Wheel of Emotions

They were back.. They were tormenting me, they were always there in my head
"Son of a whore!"

"You're not one of us."

"Return to your father's testing lab, experiment."

They were in my head, I couldn't get them away no matter how hard I tried. I was trapped in a white room running endlessly into oblivion away from the black smog that was chasing me. I could hear them chuckling and spitting out more and more threats to end my life. They couldn't thought, right? Fahire was going to show up any minute.. He was going to fight them off, right? The black smog was catching up to me quickly now, I felt as if I were slowing down. I was going to die, where the hell was he?

"Fahire?!" I attempted to scream but my attempts were useless as no sound escaped my throat. Panic kicked in my system as I heard the smog chuckle and laugh at me. It was too late now, the smog had wrapped around my legs and started to trip me up, as much as I tried to shake them off and kick at the smog it wouldn't work. I could hear their devilish laughter as they began to suck me into their black blob of death. My chest felt like it was being given the wrong kinds of compressions. As if something were trying to get in other than help me out. It was coming to the point where I couldn't breathe anymore, in the background I could faintly hear someone calling my name. It was too far away, I couldn't follow it.. It was too late. Too late..

My eyelids grew heavy and I fainted. The voice now became closer a bit too close. That's when I felt someone roughly shaking me, "Javior! Damnit, you had better wake up!" A voice that I recognized, clearly. I could hear the panic in their voice, my eyes popped open and I saw Fahire towered over me, shaking me back to consciousness. "Jesus, I can't get in your dreams, Javior!" He said still with a panicked tone.

I felt the swear roll off my head as I sat up from the bed feeling a bit woozy, "W-why didn't you come?" I was still half asleep, I hadn't caught on to what he had said before.

He squeezed my shoulder tightly, "I can't invade your dreams, Javior.." He said almost as if he were bothered by that fact. Why couldn't he get into my dreams? For fucks sake he's bound to a box around my neck and he can't get into my dreams. I wiped the sweat away that rolled off my head. I didn't say anything in return to that but only sat there in a daze. He shook me again worriedly, "Hey, did you hear me?"

I nodded and pushed his hand away from my shoulder, "Loud and clear.." I said emotionless. I felt like an empty shell right now. I didn't even feel like I knew who I was, nonetheless what I was. I just felt like a shell sitting there useless, empty, I had no meaning. "I thought I was about to die.." I whispered more to myself than I was to him. I recalled the feeling I felt during my nightmare, the feeling that someone was pushing into my chest trying to invade and disturb what peacefulness was left inside. It caused my heart to flutter in a panic. "My life is a mess, Fahire.." I crackled. I was in the middle of a break down, everything in my life was going fine until my dad and mom had to leave. "Everything was fine before they left, I don't want to feel hunted, Fahire." I looked at him with tear-filled eyes and flushed cheeks. "You were supposed to be my guardian.. B-but you fucking never came," I grabbed and lock of my hair and rubbed my eyes with the bottom of my palm. "You had one job!" I cried.

He stared at me with his white eyes and didn't move an inch. He didn't even budge. I think I might have taken him off guard, but he needs to think about it. "I still have one job, I'm here now. I'm so s-"

I glared at him before raising my finger at him once again. I didn't want to hear anymore 'I'm so sorries.'
"Stop saying you're sorry, it changes nothing." I crackled more and left the bed. "If I could survive seventeen years on my own, I sure can survive seventeen more and perhaps beyond." I wiped my eyes before storming out the room. I heard scrambling behind me but I closed the door behind me and bolted.