Him || JiKook

Chapter 28

It was 9 am on the day of the showcase and Jungkook was finally done. He had worked the whole night on his project, having to move each section one by one to the building where the exhibit would take place and then assemble everything the way it was supposed to. It had turned out exactly the way he wanted and it was making his chest hurt with longing so he covered it with a sheet and then sat down on the floor exhausted.

It was around 2 pm when someone woke him up from his impromptu nap on the floor. It was Yoongi, a steaming cup of coffee and a muffin on tow.

"Eat up kid," he said handing him the items. "Better go home and get ready. We start at 5 remember?"

"What time is it?" Jungkook asked, still bleary eyed.

"It's 2 pm."

"Shit," muttered Jungkook getting on his feet and grabbing his bag.

"Also Kookie," said Yoongi. Jungkook looked at him. "Jimin is leaving today, you know. You remember right?"

"Yeah... I know." he replied. Of course he did, he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Yeah well... don't leave things like that kid. Say a proper goodbye. You'll regret it if not."

Jungkook hummed in acknowledgment before heading out. The bright light of the afternoon hurt his eyes and his head was pounding so he kept his eyes low, trying to avoid the glare. He was almost sleepwalking when he bumped into someone.

"Jungkook!" said a cheery voice. He squinted at the face of the stranger taking a couple seconds too long to add a name to it.

"Ah... Seokjin-hyung... Hi." He said smiling, or trying to.

"Hi, it's been a while," Seokjin said, readjusting his backpack. "School's rough it seems."

"Yeah..." said Jungkook running a hand through his messy hair. "Final project showcase is today. It's been kinda crazy."

Seokjin chuckled. "I bet. Hey, I've been meaning to ask you - not that I ever see you but still - How did it go?"

Seokjin was looking at him expectantly and Jungkook's brain was blank. "Uh... what exactly?"

"The confession," said Seokjin still smiling. "At the planetarium? You know... the one I helped you with?"

Jungkook's heart sank, this wasn't really something he wanted to talk about. "Oh, it went well I guess... yeah."

Seokjin eyed him knowingly. "You know... I couldn't help but notice that you changed the message though. When I went there it was programmed to say I like you instead of... well...the other."

Jungkook scratched his neck a little embarrassed. "Yeah, I... I chickened out hyung."

"You weren't sure?"

"No, I was... I just." Jungkook shuffled on his feet uncomfortable. "I wasn't sure if he would feel the same so... I don't know."

Seokjin hummed tapping his chin.

"Jungkook, I know we don't know each other really well but I'm older so, let me tell you this," he said with a serious expression. "A confession is called like that because it's supposed to be you saying the words, not because you expect the other to reciprocate but because you need to share it. When you love someone - oh c'mon don't cringe we are adults - so, when you love someone those feelings don't belong to you anymore, they belong to the other person."

"What if they are a burden to the other person..." said Jungkook, mind as always going to Jimin.

"Love is never a burden," said Seokjin. "It only can become one if you put pressure on it, jealousy and all of those bad feelings."

"I'm just... afraid I guess."

"That's because you are giving your heart - your love - away," Seokjin patted his arm. "But if you look at it this way, like you're doing it for the other to cherish on it - not for you to selfishly get something back - then what is there to be afraid of?"

Something clicked inside Jungkook. He had been so stupid - making all of this about him and his fears and his need to have Jimin - that he didn't notice he was doing the same that Jaebum had been doing all these years.

He had been treating Jimin like a thing to have, like an object he didn't want to share when it should have been the opposite. He wanted him to be happy, he wanted to see him smile and thrive. And if for that to happen Jaebum had to keep being part of Jimin's life then he would have to it up, right? He just wanted to love him... he loved him.

Jungkook in a breath at the realization, wildly searching for his phone. "Hyung... what time is it?"

"Umm... around 3:30?"

"...Hyung, thank you but... I have to go." He said before sprinting across campus, his backpack slapping against his shoulder blades.

Jungkook cursed all deities while he ran, why did Jimin have to live in the furthest dorm on campus?

He arrived panting and sweating, throwing the doors open and taking the stairs, not bothering to wait for the slow elevator, murmuring please like a mantra under his breath.

He was about to bang on the door when Wheein, one of Jimin's roommates, threw the door open, gasping when she saw him.

"Fuck you scared me!" she said, clutching her chest.

"Sorry... Wheein... is... Jimin... here?" Jungkook said struggling to catch his breath.

She looked at him surprised, pouting a little. "No... no love you just missed him. Jaebum came to get him like... 10 minutes ago?"

Jungkook's face fell. He was late. "Oh... damn."

"But he's flying at 6, you could still catch him at the airport, right?" she said smiling tentatively.

"Yeah... yeah, I'll do that. Thanks Wheein."

Jungkook waved goodbye, leaving the building defeated. He was late... he'd been stupid and now he was late. He couldn't even go to the airport because that would mean failing his class and he couldn't afford an extra year.

"Fuck..." he muttered biting his lip.

He started searching again for his phone until he found it, settling on a bench under the trees. He dialed Jimin's number several times but he wasn't picking up. Nervous but finally determined, he decided to leave a message, at least that way Jimin could call him back if he wanted.

He waited for the signal, taking a deep breath.

"Hey Jimin... it's me, Jungkook. I... I wanted to say... I'm so sorry, I was an idiot. I've been an idiot all of this time, I just didn't know how to handle this and I hurt you and... I'm so sorry Jimin, so fucking sorry... I've been so consumed by what I feel for you that I didn't stop to think about how you felt and it was a mistake. I made it all about me and this need... this thing I feel when I see you, I... It's just that I've never felt anything close to what I feel for you before... Jimin, you are everywhere, everything goes back to you and you make me so happy and-"

The call dropped so Jungkook called again and again, continuing where he left.

"And I feel so many things, like... I have your face burned behind my eyelids Jimin, you're so beautiful, so special... and I'm so full of you that sometimes there's nothing I can do but sketch you for hours until I can think about something else... it's scary, I'm scared and I messed up, I messed up big time, I know but... let's try again... please let's try again... I miss you, I miss you so much I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't even sleep in my bed anymore because it smells like you and I can't stand it and-"

Fuck

"And I know this is ridiculous and I should have told you this face to face but I just didn't want you to leave thinking that I don't care... because I do, I really do... it's all I care about lately to be honest... and I know you didn't do anything with Jaebum, it was stupid to say that... but even if it were true I don't care Jimin... I can't bring myself to care anymore, I just wanna have you again... please call me, ok? Please... just... have me again, I-"

"I just," Jungkook exhaled shakily, wiping the tears away with the palm of his hand. "I love you Jimin... I know it's a shitty way to say it but... I love you... I do."