Enchilada Ed

16

Mike sat upside down on a plush neoclassical couch. His legs stuck straight up against the back, his lower abdomen slumped over the cushions, and his blonde head dangled just above the chestnut floor. He fiddled with a keytar in his hands.

"That's quite a couch," Ed sat across the apartment's living room on a wooden Early American-style chair that had been painted dark green.

"Yessica's been watching too much HGTV again," Mike played a familiar chord, "she took this online test and found out her 'design style' is eclectic."

"I see," Ed took a sip of his lemonade. He had no idea what was meant by an 'eclectic design style.'

"We got this one because she said it made her feel like she was living in a Jane Austen novel," Mike grinned, "which would make me her Mr. Darcy."

"Who?"

"Pride and Prejudice, bitch," Mike played a few notes of Mozart's sonata no. 11. "He's the douche that bags Keira Knightley."

"I really wish you wouldn't use bags in that context-"

"You're killing me with the newspeak, bro."

"It's not newspeak. You're just being creepy." Ed peered across the living room's half wall into the kitchen. "Where's Yessica, anyway?"

"She's at Ethan Allen, looking for a 'distressed' dresser that can double function as a table," Mike threw up finger quotes with his free hand. "The nesting instinct has kicked in. Women, amirite?"

"What are you working on?" Ed tried to change the subject before Mike could ask him about Audra. He knew Mike was working on something, as he only ever assumed the upside-down, instrument-in-hand position if he were struggling with writer's block.

"There's been this bridge stuck in my head all morning, but I don't have the rest of the song yet. I woke up with it, so I can't tell if I'm ripping something off subconsciously or-" Mike narrowed his eyes, "you've ever heard this before?"

He played the bridge on his keytar.

"Sounds original," Ed said unconvincingly, "why the keytar?"

"I can't play my piano upside down, genius," Mike studied Ed's face. "You're upset about something."

"Nope," Ed smiled a wide, fake smile, "I'm fine."

"I wasn't asking," Mike flipped himself right side up. "Things not going well with Audra?"

"There aren't any things with Audra," Ed said. "She rejected me. It's over."

"I thought you already bought the prom tickets, though?"

"I did," Ed felt a little stupid as he said this, "Emily keeps texting me that it's no big deal, but it's pretty much a mess. Dad's forcing me to pay back mom, or go with someone else."

"That's actually a good idea," Mike set the keytar on the couch next to him. "The best way to get over someone is to get under somebody new. Assert your dominance."

"Isn't that the opposite of what you're supposed to do?"

"Nah, brah, this is sage advice," Mike said. "You got any other bitches you're interested in?"

"Have you even broken up with anybody, ever before? You've been with Yessica for ten years."

"I know what I'm talkin about," Mike insisted, "every break-up is a game. In order to win, you need to demonstrate your continued desirability."

"We didn't 'break up.' You can't break up if you weren't ever together."

"There has to be some other bitch you got your eyes on, right?" Mike stroked his stubbly chin, "You talking to anybody?"