Chatroom [Jeonghan]

Joshua and Scoups 3

This is going to be in narrative form:

Scoups

I logged of and threw my phone on my bed, as soon as I found out about Joshua's whereabouts. I wanted to bang my head against something, to hammer some sense back into myself. How could I have been such a damn idiot!? I really messed up with Joshua!

"Damn!", I bunched my fist against the wall and could her my knuckles crack. That fucking hurt! My head felled down and I leaned against the wall. What should I do? I ruffled my hair and with a short glance at my phone, I made a decision. I had to see Joshua.

There were faint sniffs audible through Joshua's room door and the muffled noises broke my heart. I vividly saw him in front of my eyes. Hurt and teary. And it was my fault. Damn, I hated myself right now.

My limbs were numb and I couldn't lift an arm to open the door. I didn't deserve to ask for forgiveness. I was about to leave, when the door swung open. Woozi stared up at me and his face scrunched in angriness. "You", was all he said before he slipped around me and left.

Jeonghan heard his statement and eyed me. He padded Joshua's back and stood up. "Talk to him. I am going to give you two some minutes alone", Jeonghan told me. I nodded lightly. "You better not fuck up again", was Jeonghans last warning before he left.

My eyes felt on the other male. Joshua was curled into a ball, his back facing in my direction. When I stepped in his room and closed the door carefully behind me, Joshua sat up.

He looked worse than I imagined. Joshua's eyes and nose were red and his face was smeared with tears and snot. He should have looked disgusting to me with all the dirt and the red pats in his face. But in my eyes, Joshua looked like the most adorable, cutest and beautiful creature ever. I felt the urge to hug him and hold him so tight, that no harm could ever come his way. But something about him stopped me to come closer. Joshua's eyes didn't meet mine and with the slightest movement from my side, he let go of another sob.

"What do you want?" his voice was hoarse and had lost most of his usual beautiful self. My heart broke again. This was all my fault. "I..." why was it so difficult to apologize!

"I am sorry", my voice was no more than a whisper, but Joshua heard me clearly. "No, it's not your fault hyung", Joshua shook his head, looking down. "It's my fault. I have been acting like an a** towards you. I am really sorry Joshua". "No. I should have known better", his words were like cuts in my heart. I am a horrible person.

"I fell for you, while knowing that I didn't stand a chance. Why would you fall for someone like me anyways", he chuckled sadly. Damn Josh, what were you doing to my heart? "That night ...", Joshua's voice drifted of, "I was so happy and exciting about what you said that I ignored all the warning voices in my head. I am really dump. And a mess".

Joshua's eyes watered again and shortly after he was crying rivers again. My heart broke for the hundredth time at his sight.

I lost every bit of control and feeling of my body and without any of my doing, I rushed to him and embraced him in my arms. Joshua's body froze as soon as it touched mine. But I couldn't care less. Joshua was crying and there was nothing more important than to soothe him. "I am so sorry. I am so sorry Josh", I chanted in his ear, while swaying him back and forth. The thin body in my arms relaxed and after some time Joshua's cries stopped.

"Thank you", Joshua's voice was still small. I didn't want to let go of him and when he wiggled in my arms, I only tightened my grip.

"Seungcheol", this was the first time he called me by my real name. No nickname, no stultified version of my stage name. "I am trying really hard to get over you. But if you are acting like that around me, I won't be able to", Joshua tried to loosen my grip.

"Then don't".

I blurred those words out, before I thought them through.

"What?", Joshua's voice shook when he tried to look up in my eyes. Checking whether I meant, what I said.

"Don't. Don't get over me".

I watched his sad expression turn into amazement and then rage, "I don't want to spend my life only dreaming about how it would be to date you. To cuddle with you and to hold your hands. Doing all the couple-things there are".

"Good", I sneaked one arm from around his shoulders to his face, "Because I don't want to spend my life only imagining about you as well".

Joshua's blushing face was so cute and innocent that I couldn't stop myself from bowing down and kissing his cheek. "Be my boyfriend", I stated. Joshua's answer was muffled, because he hid his face in my neck, but I was sure to hear a 'yes'.

I smiled brightly and moved him closer to me. Joshua's arms sneaked around my waist and copied my gesture.