I've passed my expiry date; I should've been dead long ago, yet here I am. I believe I may have disappeared for a while, fallen asleep, but now I am awake. I am surrounded by those fallen around me. I'm rotting away, I don't know what to do next. My screams are silenced as a hand wraps around my neck, he lifts me with such ease yet I am unable to move. He slits my throat and drinks my insides. As my blood drops to the floor all I see is darkness... I was 15 when I died, murdered by a mysterious man, a man I'd never seen before. I was almost asphyxiated but right before I died, my throat was slit. It wasn't painful dying, almost instant. One minute I was slowly losing consciousness and then nothing but darkness...
Until now, now I am finally awake and able to think again. I feel squashed... like I am in a box, maybe a coffin? I'm not breathing at all and I don't have a pulse... I feel like a zombie. Am I a zombie? What defines a zombie anyway?
There is no afterlife, it's just darkness. It's like falling asleep. Do you know how it feels when you fall asleep and you don't know how much time has passed yet you know it isn't instant from falling asleep to waking up? It's hard to explain, but that's how it feels. It feels as if I have been simply asleep for a long time but how long I don't know. It's a weird sensation just suddenly waking up. Having all my thoughts flood back yet being unable to see, move or talk. It's just my head and me now, have I gone insane? Does this happen to everyone when they die? They suddenly wake up, aware of death but unaware of what is or will happen?
I never wanted to die. I knew I couldn't live forever but I wanted a full life, or at least to my eighteenth birthday. I can never actually say what life was really like because I could only experience a short amount of it, but what I can say is that however hard life gets, it's still better than death. I don't know if I like this new situation, just me and my thoughts. I hope it goes away soon, although its alright just for now. The darkness is scary sometimes; I'm unaware of everything except the fact that I exist. I know that I am trapped inside of the darkness against my will and that I can't do anything to change it. At least while I was living I was aware of my circumstances, aware of the past and the present with some idea of the future.
After I died I knew nothing except the colour black. I would sometimes hear sounds, as if someone was whispering my name into my ear. The voice was always the same and I was sure that I recognised it, but I could never remember who the voice belonged to. I was unable to process and understand the situation until my awakening.
My head is starting to spin and I'm quite dizzy. How can I be, I'm a corpse inside a coffin. How did I suddenly regain the ability to think? Why after all this time has it happened? I need answers but I have no way of receiving them. What is my next step? Do I move forward and attempt to revive my body, or lie here and wait. Maybe I should just try and go back to my original situation, darkness. Maybe if I think hard enough it will happen. I repeat this sentence in my head multiple times: I want to go back to sleep now, its so much more peaceful there, no trauma, no slipping away from reality, just darkness... Just darkness.
