Depressed Dean

5

Deans heart is racing. "Oh, that's from a hunt." "Dean we weren't on a hunt for weeks. What. Is. That?!" "It's nothing" Sam takes his wrists and takes off the bandages. "Sam stop its nothing. Sam!" Dean wants to get up but he is sick and Sam is stronger. "Dean. What are those?" Dean can't speak. He gets up and wants to walk away but his legs are wobbly and has to sit down again. "Dean?" "Oh those? That was a cat" "Dean we don't have a cat and you weren't with somebody who has one." "I-" "Dean did you do this to yourself?" Dean freezes. He wants to laugh and deny it but he can't. He can't speak. He can't move. "Dean?" Dean sobs. "I just can't do it sammy. Without Cas I-" his voice breaks. He tries to avoid watching at Sam. Tears stream down his face. "I don't know how to live without him." "But why did you hurt yourself? You could have talk to me." Sam looks hurt. "I'm sorry sammy. I'm so sorry. I've been hurting myself since I was a child. It was... I didn't..." Dean buries his head into his hands and sobs. "Hey it's okay" Sam hugs Dean. "You know dad was never there. He always wanted me to protect you -and I wanted to protect you too- but I got the feeling that he didn't needed me, except when I would care about you." Dean, I didn't know..." "When you went to Stanford dad let his anger out on me. He beat me up from time to time and told me how worthless I am." "He has beaten you?" Pure hate on Sams face. "I can't believe-" " Sam it's okay. I didn't cut that much after you began hunting with me again. But when you died..." Dean stops. The thought about Sam being dead always hurts him. "When you died I was ready to die too. I tried to kill myself with pills but somehow I survived. After the deal with the demon and you being alive again I felt better. I didn't cut myself anymore. When I had the mark I felt worse again. I hurted myself pretty bad and Cas found out." "Wait. Cas knew about this?" "Let me talk sammy. When he found out he was really upset. He didn't understand why. I told him that it helps me to forget the inner pain. Cas really helped me Sam. I don't know if I would be still alive without him." Dean stops. "And since Cas is gone..." He sobs, his voice shakes. "Its just so much pain, sammy." He cries again. Sam unable to talk. "We'll get through this. We'll get Cas back okay?" Dean nods.