Rough Seas Ahead

Chapter 3

My seventeenth birthday just passed. I can't say I very happy, though. My mother died just last year. It's been very hard to take care of the house all by myself. My 'father' hasn't been much of a help either. He still wastes all of his hard earned money on booze. I even gained a new scar last time he came home. Right on my left shoulder. 

He came home late at night, drunk as ever. He looked at me and spewed insults for about ten minutes, and then punched me in the face. I of course punched him back, but in the stomach. This escalated into a full scale fight. He got his hands on a broken bottle, and slashed my shoulder. I knocked him out, and left him in the fields by our house. I was sad to see his body wasn't there the next morning. 

That's not what's bothering me though. There is a reason I'm here in this cloudy weather, in my nicest clothes. The thing that's got me sad, is the reason why I'm here at the graveyard.

Richard died just a week ago. I had no idea until yesterday. One of his family members knocked on my door in the late afternoon, telling me about the funeral. No one knows how long he had been laying on the bedroom floor, blood staining the ground. He had shot himself with his family rifle.

When I got the news, I just nodded my head, and closed the door. I can't remember how long I cried. All I know was that I had lost the one person I had left in my miserable life. I had lost my father, mother and now my best friend. My only best friend. I had no other family, and everyone else thought I was just a freak.

I don't understand why Richard took his own life. He seemed so happy last time we met up. He even claimed he was fine, and told me not to worry. His mother had just passed of illness a few months before, but he recovered quickly. I just don't understand it.

I glanced around at the others at the funeral. There were not many. Most of them were crying, or comforting another loved one. I was just standing there, all alone. With no one to dry my tears but myself.

When the funeral was over and after everyone had left, I stayed. I just stood there as the gravediggers lowered his coffin, and covered him up with the fresh ground. I was still there even after they left, and the rain started to come down. 

I just felt empty on the inside. Like there really was no point to life anymore. The sadness was just overwhelming. I was so weak. It felt like someone had just cut me, and instead of all of my blood spilling out, all of my happiness, joy, and energy was swept away by the rain.

I fell to my knees and screamed as loud as I could. I don't know if it was out of rage, or sadness.

"Why? Why Richard? Why did you have to leave me all alone in this cruel world? Why?" I couldn't control my emotions. I had no control anymore.

The tears were blurring my vision. I could hardly see the ground beneath my hands. My tears didn't stop. They were like an ocean of sadness.

This must be that feeling you get when you loose everything, and life seems meaningless. The feeling you get when you have no one else to share a smile with, and laugh the pain away.

I remember crying and sobbing until my eyes were bloodshot, and my voice hurt so much. I don't know how I found the strength to get up, and make my way back to my house.

When I finally got to the turn off to my house, I stopped and looked up at Richard's family house. It just seemed like it was completely different from the one I knew. Like it wasn't the house where I had met my best friend, who was my light in the darkness. Who was the one who cheered me up when I was down.

I don't know what came over me, but instead of walking to my house, I walked up the path to Richard's. I hesitantly opened the door, and let myself in. The house seemed so cold. It was a lot bigger than I had imagined.

I toured the house, and let my memories come flooding back. In the kitchen, social room, hallways, and all. I smiled at all of the sweet, sweet memories. I didn't even care as the tears began to fill my eyes once more.

I finally made my way to his bedroom. All of the memories we made in this one room. I finally let myself in.

I wasn't surprised to see his blood in the middle of the floor. I knew it was going to be there.

There were drawings hung on the walls. Ones of random things. He was such a talented artist.

As I looked around the room a bit more, I found a letter on his bedside table. 

I picked it up, and looked it over. My name was on the back. My hands were shaking as I tore the paper and pulled out the note.

Simon,

If you are reading this, I am probably dead. Don't worry, It wasn't your fault I decided to take my own life. You were the only one I could ever love, and the only one that would accept me.  You are not the cause of my death. I knew things would never work between us. And that, I understand. Don't worry, though. That was not the reason I chose to take my own life. I never had a chance at life anyways. I'm weak, bad at everything, and could never find another love.

I know you have a lot of pain inside too, and I'm sorry if I just added to it. Just stay strong. Don't just give up like I did. You still have a reason to live. You have a dream. I never did. Please carry on your dream, and become the finest trader out there. I'm just sorry I can't join you. 

Now I know you may be crying your heart out, but please, don't give up on life. I wouldn't want to see you on arriving into the afterlife so soon. If you ever get lonely, just remember, I'm keeping an eye on you. Got to make sure you stay out of trouble, now.

I can't wait to hear about your adventures when you join me over here. I'd like to see you again, but not too soon.

Go ahead and take what you want from my old place. I don't need it anymore.

Take care, alright?

Richard

My tears began to stain the paper. I was no longer sad though. I was happy. I was glad to see Richard was at peace, and that made me rest easy. I folded the letter back up, and held it in my hand as I left his room. On the outside of his door, was a picture of me and him when we were a bit younger. That will be the thing I remember him by for the rest of my life.

Even though it was well past dark, I made my way back to the graveyard. The rain was still pouring.

I walked up to his gravestone with a smile on my face.

"Don't worry, Richard. When I join you, I'll have plenty of stories to tell. I hope you don't mind me taking this drawing of you and me. I'll always smile when I see your face on it. See you later."

As I walked back to my house, I felt a lot more at ease. Like the void had been partially filled. 

As I settled down in my bed for the night, I found I had a smile on my face.