Summer '16

Loved

"What is this?" Lucille tugs on my red wristband with the word 'loved.' written across it.

"Parker gave it to me" I explained pulling back my wrist. Lucille was nice, but sometimes she would get to close.

"Reggie, How long have you two been dating?" Lucille pesters on.

"A week" I quickly reply , but what I really wanted to say was that even though we have been dating for a week it has felt like months, in the best possible way. We see each other all the time but at the same time, We can never see enough of each other .

"Has he said he loved you?" Lucille says obnoxiously.

"No." I didn't want to tell her that he did, I never talked to Parker about how he said 'I will still love you', because it is a conversation I don't know how to approach. He said things that made my chest sink into my stomach sometimes. Other times I would have my heart stuck in my throat because of him.

"Have you said it to him?"

"No." I did, but I am not sure if Parker had heard. Part of me hopes he did part of me hopes he didn't.

I stare down at the red rubber band around my wrist, it is two sizes two big, but I wouldn't want it any other way it matched his wrist, mine compared to his, I was always smaller.

"You are loved" His soft deep voice plays in her ear like a melody. His voice only continues to play a soft song. "If not by me... then by your friends, your family." His voice so calm. I just wanted to play the memory over and over each time hoping a little bit more and more that we could go back and just be there. His arms big and strong, his body warm to match my cold. 'You are loved' the words repeat themselves over and over, sometimes mine sometimes his. I try not to regret anything, because you shouldn't regret living and if you hadn't done whatever you did then you wouldn't be where you are today. I regretted one thing, which was not telling him back. I hope he knows, I know he knows, but I still want to tell him. I want to tell him so badly that he is loved, he is loved by me. But not just loved, but he is loved deeply.

Break ends.

Hours pass and I can't get him off of my mind. I wait for him after work, gosh I always fear that suddenly he won't want to hang out with me that I will bore him. Chills run down my spine as all I can ever think about it the way he looks at me on our sleepless nights together. His big brown eyes and the small dimples when he smiles right next to his lips. His smile so bright and mesmerizing. "You are so beautiful." His words could make angels cry. I wanted to just fall asleep to that. Just that. "Beautiful." No one has ever said it without wanting something. He, He just wanted me. My heart skips a beat. I love those nights, it is most nights thankfully, I feel like I don't breathe until we kiss. Gosh we are probably the worst kissers in the entire world, but I don't care as long as he is the only one I am kissing. Lost in thought I stare off at the wall, until I see him. My face automatically turns into a smile, I have to resist every instinct to kiss him or touch him, we are still with coworkers.

"Hey" Parkers voice just sounds so right.

"Hey" I say back trying to remember how to breathe.

'This is all I need' I say to myself in my head as we walk to his car. All I need right now is just him beside me. His voice talking to me until I fall asleep. The sunlight hits his face perfectly as we walk. His tired eyes and soft smile as we walk, tired because of the hours spent at my house, without ever sleeping over. It was perfect, we are perfect. All I can think about is him and how lucky I am to get to love him, and hopefully be loved by him. 'You are loved' i tell myself, and tell him without ever saying it. And for right now that is all we really need.