It was striking midnight, and all he could think about is who the next "Her😍❤" would be. He sat and pondered who "her😍❤" would be. He is 15, jobless, and depressed. He is me. I am him. He wants "Her😍❤." He cannot find her. His depression has become a wall. A tall wall fore he is tall but the wall is taller. All he wants is "Her😍❤." He misses most of whom he used to call "Her😍❤." All he wants in life is to be happy, but life has other ideas. Looking for his next, he sat pondering life. Life itself was his best friend and his worst enemy. There was a time. A time long ago, Where I, the boy, was happy. But his life was not as "fairytale-like" as his friends. He has begun to push everything and everyone he loves and holds close to him because he feeds off his own happiness, as most do. But for him, other people being happy when he could do no other than wish for happiness, only made his times worse. His friends tell him "Mannn. Drugs bro, make you forget any problems. Girls, Family, Jobs, and anything you could think of. They claimed these things, Illegal Happiness as I pike to call them, only work for a certain amount of time. There may be a brief time of happiness, but there is no escaping depression. All he's ever wanted, ever dreamed of, was to sit down with one girl who he could love and trust with anything. All I've wanted was to be happy and share it with someone I love. The adolescent has trusted no one close to him. He's been ashamed to even speak to his family. He was raised by a single self-employed mother who's raised more than 100 kids through foster care. At the time, the boy, was raised with expectations of being the man in the house. Raised on the idea of growing up early and being able to support when his mother could not. He's been ashamed since the man he should've been has yet to appear. He's embarrassed to the point he feels better cutting off his family instead of dealing with more hurt every time he looks in the mirror and see's who he should've been and still has yet to be. I, now the adolescent, am still embarrassed. I have tried to be happy and although it may look the part on the outside, all the outside has seen is the boy I used to be. He covers the demons of depression inside of me, the boy does. He's relied on himself, as unstable as he is, he has been his only resource as no one close has been as reliable (nothing toward the people who are there for me). So here he lays, few minutes past midnight wondering which way life takes him next. He does not believe as much as in "God" fore it is more a higher power as he is a Heathen. So I, a depressed Heathen (as most Heathens are) lays in bed and on the outside I say all I want is a girlfriend to love but deep down I wish to rid the earth as I only fit in with life now. I'm all over the place i know. But for the moment i don't know who I am.
