We of Lost Hope

Seven

"So what you're telling me is that we can have a break after this? Escape the building for once in four days?" I stare at her, she's leaning on the door frame and both her legs and arms crossed.
"Yes, that's what I'm saying." She looks down at her shoes, which are now black boots instead of her Extract ones. "It's not a field trip."
"What?" Why would I be thinking it's a field trip?
"I think she means we can go unsupervised." I look back over my shoulder to Christian who is loading the washer up. "We can go without her. That's if..." He takes a pause as he starts to fiddle with the buttons. He presses one and it starts to work. There's a buzzing coming from the machine so he has to speak louder. "You want to go." He shouts over it.
"Yeah, I wanna go." I look at both of them.
"Okay, I'll make sure to tell the officers downstairs to let you out for a couple of hours." Nikita stands in the doorway, not leaning on the doorframe. "It's your choice. You can go wherever you want." She shrugs with her hands in her pockets and starts to walk away.
Once she's gone, I speak again. "So this means we can go inside buildings? Climb the stairs to the top and look over the city?"
"Maybe even steal things from closed down stores." He busies himself in the corner of the room where the cleaning supplies are. "Is there anything else we have to do?"
"I don't think so." I say as I look around the room. I scan the washer which is still buzzing, the cupboards which are open and the sides which are dirty. "I think we need to shut those doors and scrub the worktops." I walk over to him and crouch down so I can get a cloth from the cupboard. I close the door and rinse the cloth with water.
"It's very strange having a piece of a vest as a cloth." He observes as I soak it in water.
"I know, I wonder if it's something to do with the city's economy?"
"Maybe. I don't know and we can't know for certain."
"Whatever it is..." I cringe as I start to wipe the sides with it. The material is covered is dried mud. "It better be sorted because this feels horrible in my hand right now."
"I feel your pain. Here," he puts his hand out. "I'll do it."
"Thank you." I throw it in his hand and I quickly get back to the sink so I can clean my hands. The cool water pours over my hands and I rub them against each other as the water heats up. There's no way of me physically moving my hands from this warmth.
"I'll do it quicker so we can go, but you should change if you want to go out into the city... You're not going-" I scans me up and down, "-like that." And points at the dress.
"This?" I furrow my eyebrows and he nods. "No no no... You must be ki-?"
"Kidding?" He laughs as he finishes wiping the worktops. "No."
"What's wrong with it?" I laugh between words.
"Oh nothing. I'm not saying it's horrible. I just... don't think it's suitable for adventure." Christian finishes and looks at me with a stern face. "It's like you don't want to change."
He's right. I don't want to change. I'm scared of who I may become if I do. Would I become a monster or a delicate lady who can't take care of herself? Would I become a monster who defends people too much, who uses violence as every answer? Or would I become the delicate lady who cowers until someone saves her? I don't want any of them, I just want to be strong and I am strong.
"I know but I like the way I am. I don't want to change, at all."
"You'll find that you'll change anyway, if you have no intention to." He shoves the cloth into the cupboard and straightens his body. "If you want to stay the same person forever, you must have really good willpower but I've never met someone who has that much in them."
"But it's whole different story with everyone you meet. That's the thing," I know I'm telling the truth. Probably the last person he told this to was his sibling or relative, or even another girl for all I know. "You can't expect everyone to be the same."
He stops talking, like I've shut him up by telling him these things.
Silence seeps in and I can't help but stand still. I fiddle with things on the worktops as I become curious as to why he's not speaking anymore. Maybe I scared him by making sure he was wrong. He wasn't entirely wrong, people do have to have really good willpower to keep themselves the same.
I finish what I'm doing and watch Christian dust his trousers off before I turn away and walk towards the door.
"So what's it's going to be?" I stop as I hear his words. It takes me a while to digest his question into my gut.
I glance over my shoulder. "Change."