Lekha (Completed)

Lekha 28

I woke up at dawn having not being able to sleep properly. The first thing I felt was pain in my heart and a throbbing headache . I looked around and saw Vasundhara and Gayatri still sleeping peacefully.

I had to do something about my feelings otherwise I would be in deep trouble I thought.

A little while later after much pondering I decided that the only course left for me was to totally discard the idea of love and to find someone else for Rudra to marry. I couldn't marry him knowing his feelings ran so deep for another. Hearing about a broken heart and actually witnessing someone in pain were two different things.

I had to pretend to be all right for the time being as after the goodbyes today I would not be seeing Rudra for a long long time. The worst would be facing the boys as they knew what had happened the night before but I was sure they didn't understand the real impact it had on my heart. From where they stood it must have seemed more like me being scared of the heavily intoxicated Rudra, though he did take that 'name'. I could always pretend that I didn't understand whose name it was, I decided.

Soon everyone woke up and the dismantling of the tents started. We were again served breakfast out in the open as the sun was yet to send its blazing heat down on us and it was quite cool. It was camel milk with some leftovers from the day before, which was good enough for me as I had lost my appetite.

My mind was on high alert to avoid sighting any of my last night's three co-adventurers. Both the girl's remarked on me being subdued today, as I generally was always enthusiastic about the fresh new day in the morning wondering what new thing I would get to see.

In the end I did see Vikram and Udai bhaisa and both looked somberly at me. I pretended to smile and be happy to waive off any suspension they might have about my heart conditions. They in return smiled back at me but looked quite apologetically at me.

"Where is Rudra?" I heard someone ask, but couldn't hear the answer as it must have been said softly and my back was turned towards those people.

Even I wanted to know the answer as my heart burst with joy hearing that name being referred to by someone else , forgetting the hurts of the previous night. I couldn't ask anyone and no one looked worried about his absence too it seemed.

Taisa and Gayatri gave me a tearful farewell with promises to meet soon. I was given another neg (gift) by taisa as a farewell .I touched the feet of both taisa and tausa as a mark of goodbye. Vikram it seemed wanted to say something to me but again refrained. Gayatri reminded me of the promise I made to her in whispers during the embrace I gave her.

She didn't know what kind of situation she was dealing me with.

I felt a sense of loss as their caravan left before ours did. I had wanted to catch a glimpse of Rudra before they left, but then again maybe it was for the best I consoled myself. It would give me time to get over him.

Complete melancholy silence engulfed our carriage as both Vasundhara and I were lost in our own thoughts. The scene outside had lost all its charm of the day before.

I was deep in thoughts as I recalled the night's incidents scene by scene. I had ample of time to dissect and bisect the situation but no matter how much I tried to create fantasy situation with 'what if' situations, the reality was that Rudra loved someone else with so much passion that to even think about me taking over that position was laughable.

We could always hope said my heart.

I tried to recall if Roopmati was actually married or was there still a chance of Rudra and her getting back together again. My heart sometimes went into the martyr mode where I planned to unite Rudra and Roopmati sacrificing my feelings.