(7th grade)
Summer was coming to an end and ,everyone was preparing to start their 7th grade year. 6th grade summer was coming to an end and everyone was starting to leave their adolescence, and enter into the world of bumps and burned baby fat. I go to open house and try to discover the locations of my classes because I dont want to end up outside of the school boundaries (😔...again). Im with my friends and out of no where (like seriously I turned a corner and there she was) I see her, she looked f**king gorgeous. Her hair was still amazing, and like me she slimmed up (not saying her baby fat days weren't cute) , so I had a huge desire to grab her waist (of course i didnt, that would be super rude 😐). Now that i look at it maybe the hormones were kicking in and im not even joking (im laughing so hard). I saw her and like everything was beautifully distorted she walked passed me staring down at her phone, and thank goodness because I was basically at awe. I knew it was a new year and my hopes were high , this was my year to be noticed. To be honest I didn't know that everyday would've been a depressing 24 hours of yours truly questioning his existence. I just looked around and at myself and thought to myself "what do I have that she could possibly want". The week before school started I spent countless hours thinking about her. The first day of school comes , and im in my first period (band). The rest of my day continues on and I realize...she's not in any of my classes. But here is a good part I saw her like every where, I guess our routes to our next classes intersected. The reason why we didnt have similar classes is in my middle school we had teams for our average gpa. In sixth grade I was on the dolphin team with my friends and ze crush, but in seventh grade I was on the coyote team (below average gpa), and she was on the wolf (average), and all of my friends were cougars (above average). Tis was a sad year ,but I cherished the small moments when I saw her. My problem was that I ended up with tunnel vision I was so into her that I couldnt fathom the possibility that I may be more adequate for someone else (some girls actually used to like me and flirt with me but i was so oblivious because I focused all of my attention on s**i). Everyday it was the same thing I made sure I went to my classes at a certain time to atleast get a glimpse of her (now that I think of it thats kind of creepy). Like if she saw herself the way I
saw her there would be no such thing as insecurity in her life. I told myself that 7th grade would be the year I open up about it to my friends and try to openly pursue her. I was sitting with my friends late at night and it its like 11 pm , and like the teenage boys we were we started to talk about our crushes. And we all went on and I brought up s**i and my close friend already knew about the crush. But the other two were like "wow s**i ,well she is cute". And I was like yeah i know , I begin to feel more comfortable talking about it and opening to ze bros about it. Well one did continue on to tell me "dude s**i is kind of weird and awkward " and I replied with so am I and we still hang (in middle school I was socially awkward and blah blah like most kids in middle school who had confidence issues no biggie). My friends eagerly wanted me to go for her and so did myself. So later on something happened that pushed me farther away from the subject than ever. My friend l**n went to her from what hes told me he told her about my crush. And ofcourse I over reacted like yo "how the hell am I going to get this really cute girl to like me now " (I actually swore and went off but im keeping things p.g). He claimed that she would like me back and I have nothing to fear and to actually approach her , but my hopes were gone. I continued on as I did being weird and mute as hell (though deeply I wanted to make her mine). Like its weird at the time all I wanted to do was make her happy so I can see her smile. Sometime shortly into the year I remember my friend y***l telling me that she has a bf or something of the sort. I didnt really know how to act or what to say i kind just took it for what it was ans continued at a distance.Well time passed and I started to just accept the fact that im weird as hell person who probably should find someone else. As time goes by and I started to reflect on myself Ive begun to shoot for a greater purpose I wanted to make something out of myself. I started to read write and focus mainly on my education I wanted to pursue a life of down to earth conversation with new people. I wanted to focus on people who are more likely willing to teach me and learn from me (genuine debate life more or less). This happened one day when I was sitting on the sidewalk in front of my house while experiencing a sunset. The color and setting changed my entire outlook of life it for the moment gave me a genuine warmth and mellowness. if we go deep into the science nothing has changed the sun and earth are still the same the only difference is my perspective on the position on earth staring at the sun (point of evaluation) allowing me to see a difference in color. As corny as this sounds and trust me I know this sounds corny life is no different than that occurrence.
Before you know it school was coming to an end again and again and im a name without a face. Last thing i can recall is going to funspot as a end of the year field trip and someone breaking their leg or something, but like she came back with crutches , and still went hard. The crush was there but i didnt want to approach and be weird.
I again adored from a distance if I ever saw her.
