Memory

Looking at our picture that we took just before you left me, tears welled up in my eyes as I soon realised that I could no longer have you.

I still remember the first time we met. We were in a cafe, and you were my waiter. When I first saw you, I thought you were the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen. When we started going out, I loved the way your eyes always twinkled under the sunlight, and how your hair always swayed with the breeze. I loved the way how you were so caring, so loving to me. I remember the first time we kissed. We were on our first date. I loved how soft your lips were, how difficult it was to pull apart. That was the first time you also told me you loved me. I remember my heart palpitating violently in my chest, while my breath was hitched in my throat. I felt butterflies in my stomach. From then on, we were so happy together. Everyone thought that we were a match made in heaven. Those were the best days of my life. You gave me the love that I could never get from my dead parents, who had died in an accident. I remembered how you had consoled me when it was my parent's death anniversary. The way you held me tightly in your arms, speaking softly to me, comforting me. After knowing about my past, you told me that you would never leave me, and that you would always stay beside me, and love me.

Then, things changed. I saw you with another girl. I had thought that you were cheating on me. I had thought that you didn't love me anymore. I had thought that you had broken your promise to me, that you were going to leave me soon. I had thought, why don't I help you in that process? The next day, I declared that I wanted a breakup. I had been so stupid that time. I wasn't thinking rationally. We were together for almost two years, and I just decided to break up due to one incident. I didn't even give you a chance to explain. But it's too late. I should have known that you still loved me by the raw pain in you eyes when you heard me. I should have known when I saw your eyes go teary, your tears threatening to fall. I should have known.

I had not realised that that was the last time I was going to see you.

After the breakup, my heart felt empty. The space in my heart that you had once filled up, was now vacated. And nothing could replace you.

Then, my younger brother died from cancer. I was so upset that I cried for days and weeks. I had no more blood related family to console me, to comfort me. When I broke up with you, my younger brother had consoled me. But now, there was no one. Except you. I called you, and you asked me in a concerned voice, what had happened. After telling you the story, you immediately rushed over, coming to console me, to tell me that everything would be fine soon, and that you would stay by my side through these hard times.

I waited patiently, wanting to see your face after so long. But then, you never came.

Suddenly, I had a phone call. A phone call telling me that you had met in an accident. You were sent to the emergency room, and the doctor was operating on you. However, the chances of you surviving were slim. Despite that, I still rushed to the hospital, praying for you to be alive, to be able to meet me with that charming smile, and those shining eyes.

After a few hours, the doctor came out of the emergency room. He was looking glum and moody. I knew what had happened, but I kept denying the truth. Maybe, he was trying to surprise me, right?

Then, the horrible truth crashed on me. You could no longer be saved. You had departed from this world, and had left me alone. My heart broke into a million pieces, and I knew that it could never be mended again.

If only I had not been so rash. If only I had allowed you to explain, had given you another chance to prove that you love me. Things would have been different. You could have still been by my side, taking care of me, loving me. But I had been so dumb, so angry to realise that maybe, things weren't like that. Maybe you were just hanging out with her. Maybe she was your good friend. Maybe, they had been in an awkward position when I saw them.

Now, it's too late for regrets. I would never be able to revive you, to give you the life you once had. I'm sorry that I had caused you to lose your one and only life. I'm sorry that I had given you a heartbreak. I'm sorry that I had not been good enough for you. How I long to join you. To meet you. And tell you how sorry I am. However, I know that you wouldn't want me to give my life away for you. You would have wanted me to move on, to persevere on, and meet all the challenges that life has given me. Life may be tough, but I would persevere till the end, that's the least I could do for you, right?

Time cannot be rewound. All that we have had together, would now be just a mere memory. A mere memory.