Not a Fifth Grade Crush

us.

I' m going to stop doing the dates to this. I don't like it. I don't like dates. Anyway, I am going into middle school soon. I don't have any classes with Jemma. I am going to miss having her. Over the past 2 years, we have become best friends. I feel empty without having my best friend there beside me.

The last thing I said was that Sean likes me, but he doesn't anymore. We are just good friends. I trust him. I don't want anything more than a friendship with him anymore.

6th grade is the worst. I hate not having Jemma there. I can't stand it. I am starting to have anxiety attacks and panic attacks in the middle of class. I start to freak out and I start to have trouble breathing. Mrs. Pearson and Mrs. Lestur don't understand it and they tell me to stop. I want to move. I don't belong here anymore.

Hanna started to bully me again.

I can't stop crying. Why can't I stop. Fuck.

Im bisexual. I like girls and boys. I can't tell anyone though. If I do, I will lose everything. Fuck. I can't even tell Jemma. She might think its weird that we are both bi. I'll just pretend. I'm straight. That has to be easier.

I have been watching a lot of videos lately. I watch some that said the bisexuals are just confused. Am I just confused?

I didn't do this because I don't love you guys. I swear I do. I did this because I can't live with this anymore. I can't do it. I can't I can't I can't. Mom and Dad and Abby, I love you all. I just, you guys will do better without me. You won't be lied to, you won't be fought with, you won't have to worry about me. I swear I didn't do it because I don't love you. I am going to address each of you individually. Mommy: I love you so much. I was being bullied by Hanna again and I can't take it. She's so mean. I hate it mom. She just can't physically leave me alone. I don't understand mom. What did I do to her? What? I also want to tell you something. It doesn't matter if you are reading this, but I wanted you to know. I am bisexual. You probably don't know what that is so I will look up the definition for you. ---------------------------> Bi-sex-u-al Adjective: Attracted to both men and Women. So yeah. I'm bi. I just wanted you to know. I love you mommy. You are awesome. Daddy: I love you dad. I love you so much. I was being bullied by Hanna again and I can't take it. She's so mean. I hate it mom. She just can't physically leave me alone. I don't understand mom. What did I do to her? What? I also want to tell you something. It doesn't matter if you are reading this, but I wanted you to know. I am bisexual. You probably don't know what that is so I will look up the definition for you.  ---------------------------> Bi-sex-u-al  Adjective: Attracted to both men and Women. So yeah. I'm bi. I just wanted you to know. I love you daddy. You mean the world to me and Abby. I love you more than words can tell. Abby: I love you Abs. You are probably the coolest little girl I know. Be you, don't let anyone tell you you aren't worth it. You are so amazing. Keep singing Abby. If any boy (or girl) ever hurts you, kick their ass. They don't deserve you. Don't you dare ever let anyone tell you to be someone you aren't. I love you so much Abby. You are gold. Don't lose that. I love you I love you I love you. I know you know I am bi, from Sierra, and I thank you for not hating me. I hope you stay perfect. Don't change, please, don't ever change. Jemma: Hi, so this is embarrassing. I didn't want to hurt you and tell you I was doing this. I am going to miss you. Before you moved to Soonipi, I was lost. I was being bullied by everyone. That is why I was so mean when you first moved. I couldn't take it anymore. I used to have friends, but they all left me behind. I was afraid to make a new friend. I didn't want to be broken again. I'm sorry. I am bi. I never told you, because I was afraid of you telling me that I am just copying you. I swear I am not. I am my own person. I just happen to be bi too. I also have the BIGGEST crush on you, and I never told you that either because I didn't want another friend to leave me. Thank you so much for everything. You are so amazing. Take your skills, and do something with them. You deserve so so much more. You are going to go places, and I am so proud of you. Thank you for the best couple of years of my life. Love, Amanda