the escapers

escape

I couldn't open my eyes or move my body. was I dead? but then how was I thinking? did something screw up in my plan?
all I could "see" was darkness. pitch black.
"you're not dead." a voice said. I wanted to scream. I was scared. then I recognized the voice was the same British accent. was she that woman?
"yes, I'm that woman. my name's dahlia, though." she said, almost as if she could hear whatever I wasn't saying.
"it's because I can hear whatever you're thinking." dahlia said. I could hear her voice, but I couldn't see dahlia.
"you'll be able to actually see me soon. first you have to answer this one question." she said. oh good. I don't want to be here, surrounded by darkness and my own thoughts.
"why did you jump?"
why did I?
well, life just got so bad I didn't want to live. so I escaped.
suddenly, light appeared. it grew larger and larger, till eventually I was basically blinded. then, I saw my body. the dead body. it was sinking in the ocean. it was unsettling to see it.
"why am I here?" I asked. I realized I was in the real world. I looked up at the bridge and saw a crowd huddled together. I saw the police near the edge, trying to get clues.
and then I saw my parents. they were sobbing uncontrollably.
"I want to talk to them, please." I begged.
"go ahead, you're free now. like a spirit ghost kinda thing." the woman's voice said. I still couldn't see her, but I didn't care.
"mom! dad! I'm here, I'm fine!" I cried. they both had blank stares on their faces.
"they can't hear you, idiot." the British voice said. that wasn't nice.
"let me talk to them, please." I begged.
"well, you shoulda stayed alive for that." the British voice giggled. "this was all you. you jumped, I didn't push you."
"then I should be dead. why am I able to see the aftermath?" I asked, a little frustrated.
"these are the consequences to your foolish actions. anyways, have you had enough of this? let's go to where you'll actually be staying." the voice said, yawning.
"will I be able to see my parents again?" I asked.
"depends." the voice answered.
"I wish for once you would actually answer my questions." I sighed.
"I wish you didn't jump. but you did." she replied. I rolled my eyes, and went back to my parents, who were looking at the ocean below.
"I love you guys so much, and I'm so sorry. goodbye." I said, wrapping my arms around them. yet my hands went right through. I took one last look at my parents and then said,
"okay, now where to?"
"wow you can move on easily." the voice said.
"not really." I murmured, the horrid flashbacks getting back to me. "let's just go wherever it is you're going to take me." i said, not wanting to think about my rock bottom points in life.

then again, a light grew larger and larger. until I was on the clouds. you could peer over and see the bridge below. and then I also saw dahlia again. 
"I just wanted to die. why am I not dead?" I asked furiously.
"you never died. you found an escape to run away from your life. you didn't die, you escaped." dahlia said.
"bullshit. what am I going to do here, just wait until a plane hits me or something?" I wondered.
"no you're going to live."
"so you're telling me I have to live when I'm dead?" I asked her.
"but you aren't dead. you're an escaper."
"ugh, can't I just die?" I asked.
"well you can, and you will have to afterwards. you first must live. you have one week. you'll be attending your own funeral, talking other suicidal people out of it, and seeing how much you could have lived." dahlia explained.
"are you purposely trying to make me regret everything? I can't go back now, so I might as well be dead."
"no. you must see the consequences to your actions and help others who are in need of help." dahlia said. "you only have one week of your escape life. after that, you're just dead."
"wait-" I murmured, peering down. "they..they found my body."
"your dead body." dahlia smirked. "it's a shame, really-"
"shut up!" I hissed, pointing at my body. I looked a little closer and saw my arm move. "that body isn't dead. oh shit. quick- hit it with a brick or something!" I exclaimed.
"NO!" Dahlia exclaimed. "you're special! you're chosen to continue living. not everyone here gets that. all they end up with is regret."
"I'd rather have a ton of regret than life."
"you have no choice."
"I never do."
dahlia smirked at me, and then told me to relax for a bit. i barely know her, and already I know our conversations will contain a hell lot of sarcasm.
I sat down and thought about how weird it was I didn't have a panic attack or anything yet.
guess those things just don't come to you when you're dead.
I've only been on the verge of death for an hour, and I already like it more than living.

i thought i had let go.

but there was still part of me holding on.