It's bliss. I'm in absolute bliss.
It so simple. But SO complicated.
I always think about you. I can't get you out of my head and it's driving me crazy. I've tried thinking about other boys. But it ALWAYS goes back to you.
So . . .
I guess there's no point in denying that I like you.
A lot.
But you need to understand I'm not one who appreciates being crossed. I'm not one to understand feelings much, either. But, that hasn't stopped you much and for that is a reason why you're a good person.
It's one of many reasons why I like you.
But, I don't understand why.
Why would you want me? Why would ANYONE want me. I'm headstrong and loud and annoying and bad.
I'm insane. Some think I'm out of place or strange. I don't get along with most people much. I'm everything that NO ONE wants.
But you . . .
You, well, you're kind, mischievous, but mostly, joking. You joke, tease, smirk or smile a lot.
And I love it. I think that's your best feature, if anything.
But understand, I know not everyone is always happy. I've faked a smile more than once. So I know times can get hard.
I may be rough around the edges but I will be there if you want me to. I'll care for you . . .
If you want me to.
So, please understand that I won't allow myself to be used as a tool. Nor an object to be played with. I don't control my emotions much so you need to know that I won't always be happy. I'll also be depressed, anxious, angry, on edge, and a bunch of other emotions. I do this because I'm broken. I lash out like a wild animal because it's all I pretty much know.
I'm something you should look over.
I'm dangerous.
But I don't look back. I don't look back on things like the past because mine is not perfect and I don't want you to see.
To see the awful person I am and the unspeakable things I've done.
I just . . .
I just don't know why I'm writing this now, really. I'll probably leave this be and no one will either not care or understand why I did this or who we even are. Or even see.
And, surprisingly, I'm okay with it.
I just want you to know that I care. Even if you don't care back.
I really hope you understand, love.
I do.
I hope.
To: Miguel
