'Im Fine'

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“On the fifteen of November this year, Jason Corbett was captured and charged with first degree murder. Jason Corbett has been given a sentence of five years after beating to death fifteen year old local boy Mark Waters. When questioned as to why Corbett committed this horrific crime he answered “I was feeling rather shit that day”. Corbett has been placed in a maximum security jail in south Yorkshire to live out his sentence. Our thoughts are with the family of Mark Waters in this tragic time.”

On the seventeenth of November, two days after the murder my mother decided she couldn’t cope and left. I remember waking up that morning, ready to carry out the same routine I had been doing for the past five years. I would wake up and get dressed, then I would head down stairs and make my mother her breakfast, count out her tablets for the day and then heading off to college. But instead I found a note.

The worst thing about the note was that I didn’t feel anything. The last of my emotions died when Mark Waters did. I never knew the kid, but his name will always be imbedded in my mind. I guess you could say he was the last crack.

Now I live on my own. Not that ive told anyone that of course, being seventeen they would still be able to put me into a care home and I wasn’t going to allow that to happen.

I wake up when I want, I leave the house when I want and I come home when I want. Sounds perfect to you doesn’t it?

Well its not. I don’t have anyone to make me feel loved, to make me feel wanted or needed. I don’t have anyone to protect me from the pain I feel at night, or the haunting memories. But most importantly I have no one to talk to, no one to comfort me when Im feeling down. I can’t tell you when the last time someone hugged me was. The last time someone wrapped there arms around me and just simply let me break down knowing that they will be there to pick me up.

But it’s okay, because ive taught myself to not feel anything. I don’t care that no one would care if I died or how no one would even blink an eye if I disappeared. Because all people do is hurt you. They build up your self esteem just to break you down again. Ive realized that the best way to not get you heartbroken is to pretend you don’t have one.

Ive realized that there is no point in me screaming, or fighting against the loneliness I now feel… because no one will hear. So what’s the point in feeling at all?

*Edwards POV*

I remember the first day I saw her. She had her hair pulled back into a high ponytail, she was wearing a pair of ripped black skinny jeans and a jumper that looked twice her size. She was beautiful. She might not have been the skinniest girl in that hallway and she wasn’t caked in makeup or joking around with a group of friends. She was simply walking down the hallway, earphones in her ears blaring out god knows what and looking at the floor as if it had some hidden message on it. She wasn’t even smiling, but there was just something about her, something that intrigued me more than I could even understand.

I watched her as she headed towards the door to the girls bathroom.

Im not sure why I waited there just staring at the metal sign that read girls, was I expecting her to walk out and jump into my arms?

No of course not, but something made me wait there.

Then she appeared a couple of minutes later, her hair was now down and wet, sticking to her face in some places. She stood in the doorway for a few seconds until a group of girls came up behind her, one seemed to whisper something in her ear making the beautiful stranger coil back into herself. I felt my hands turn into fists as I watched the girls walk of laughing to themselves.

We were the only ones in the hall now as the final bell for first period had already gone off. I watched as she slowly lifted her hands up and began pulling her hair back into a ponytail. Little droplets of water seemed to fall onto the floor as she tied the hairband around her wet hair.

We stood there in silence for what felt like forever.

“ACHOO” I sneezed closing my eyes and bringing my hand up to cover my nose. When I finally opened them again, the beautiful girl was now staring at me. I silently coughed whilst taking a step towards her. “H-hi” I said trying to keep my voice in control.

She took a step back keeping her distance from me. “What do you want?” her voice sounded cold, empty. Yet somehow it was still the most breathtaking sound I had ever heard.

“You were looking at me so I thought…” she interrupted me before I could finish. Her face seemed to screw up into a look of disgust.

“You thought what? That I wanted to talk to you?” she shook her head violently taking another step away from me, but not taking her eyes of mine. The deep shade of blue seemed to seep into me, sending a shiver down my spine.

“W-well you were looking at me so…” I tried again to keep my voice under control. I couldn’t understand why she was so angry at me. If it wasn’t for her raised voice I would of thought there was a hint of pain in her voice.

“Well I look at a lot of people it doesn’t mean I want to talk to them” and with that she turned away from me, walking down the hallway. I watched her walking away till she was out of the front doors. I watched how her shoulders hunched and how she stuffed her hands into her pockets. I watched the broken girl walking away not understanding how she got that way, but knowing I would do anything to find out.