Poems of Romance & Heartbreak

The Best Days of My Life

It was the best days of my life. I couldn't have been happier. I never thought I could get someone like you; strong, handsome, polite, and just perfect overall.  You told me things like, "This feels so right", "You are so special", "Don't ever change" and "You are so beautiful". Some of these things I had heard before, others I didn't. Either way it all felt like you were the first to ever tell me.

 I remember it all, right to the tiniest detail. Where we were, what time of day it was, the way you spoke, the slim smile on your face as you told me everything you felt. You told me that there would be a next time, that we would continue to feel the same way about each other. I smiled and felt at peace. Everything in life was folding together. The only thing wrong? You lied. 

You lied about there being a next time. Maybe you even lied about the way you felt about me; I'll never know. But I do know how you made me feel. I felt warm, loved, comfortable, peaceful and happy. But with in a few weeks, days, hours or even minutes those feelings could change, and they did. 

Things changed between us and I became angry, depressed, cold, alone. I let you in, I showed you the real me. Maybe you didn't like this side of me, maybe you were too scared, or maybe all you wanted was to get in my pants. I became blind from our situation and only felt one feeling for the longest time, depressed.

 I sat there waiting for something that was never going to happen, in hopes that we could reverse time and relive the moments where you would smile at me the way no one else knew you smiled. I remember hating myself for thinking of you looking at another women that way. But still I stood in a sea of people waiting for you to notice me again. 

I was naive and I knew it but still I moved myself towards you, being pushed back by a current of drama. To be honest, I drowned because of my own stupidity. I got sucked into all the depression, I forget how to be happy for a while. But I was lucky to have been given another life, and I found my way back eventually. 

With every step I took I began to see the person you really are. One step, a player. Two steps, a lair. Three steps, a traitor. Every step I learned something new to hate about you, and I became angry at myself for my mistakes; for believing I was different from the other women.

Eventually I was fluttered with friends and family telling me how they felt.  "You deserve better", "He's not worth it" and "He led you on". They'd always told me how they felt- of course they did- but I had always blocked them out, not wanted to hear how bad of a person he was. But this time I was listening. I absorbed it all and every time I heard it, I would believe it more and more. 

Now? I can breathe again, I can smile again, I can LIVE again. My life is MY life to control, I won't let you win. I wont let you see me for what I am not. I am who I am and no one can change that. But I am not a bad person, I will not go out of my way to destroy your life. I will smile, and you can too. But this time, you will not smile with me.