I See You Standing There (Hell, It's Never Going To Be The Same.)

gotta move away (and let you breathe again, baby.)

"Our arrangement was no labels." I say, but the words burn at the back of my throat like the lies they are and they stab into my heart like a stake. "Why would it matter to me if you want to see someone other than me properly? I mean, you love him and he clearly makes you happy. And as long as you're happy, I would never complain."

You slide your fingers into the gaps between mine, lacing them together like they belong like this. It's instinct when I smile at you. I remember several times you did the same thing, remember the feel of your skin on mine, remember the edges of your nails scraping my hand, remember the smile you give me whenever you feel my thumb rubbing circles on yours, and suddenly, everything seems to hurt so much more. It's like the pain is magnified ten times by an action you don't think twice about.

"My intention wasn't to hurt you." You say to me, and exactly at that moment, my fingers run smoothly over the silver band on your ring finger. It feels like a kick to the throat. I retract my hand. You don't notice. Instead, you're looking pointedly at the man in front of us with a dreamy expression on your face. "It's just that - I love him a lot, you know. He means a lot to me. You - "

-  aren't enough for me and never will be -

" - you're wonderful, but I just can't see myself with you." Your smile is a notch too slow, but the brilliance reminds me of exactly why you're everything I've ever wanted. My heart feels like it's being kicked by sharp spikes. This must be what they say about hurt. You say, "I hope you're not upset."

"I'd never be." The words are sliding past my lips even though I don't have any intention of saying them. After all this time, it's ingrained to the depths of my soul to assure you that it's fine when it's not. It hurts like hell, and my chest feels heavy and I can't breathe. I want to scream, punch a wall or strangle myself. My voice closes up. I'm choking on the words I should say, but all that comes out is, "Just take care, okay?"

(When you turn around to walk away and find your fiancé, the air catches in my throat. It could be a sob too, but you don't care. You never have and never will.)

▪▪▪▪

a/n:

wtf is this

yeogibutora needs to stop writing angst because she clearly can't do it

437 words of shame tbh

lmao who even reads this crap anyway

this ain't no rage of angels and i ain't no sidney sheldon

thanks for reading and not telling me you hate it because lmao that kind of rejection is something not even gdyb can heal

in other news: i am now bangtan trash

title derived from: stay - bigbang

- yeogibutora

(who is currently waiting for the really awesome new single from bigbang to complete the made series because why the hell not waste her life on five losers disguised as cool people when she's got stuff like grades and responsibilities to deal with lmao)