Big Cats Don't Cry

Learn to Say Goodbye

- Come on Winter, you have to go to school! Go say goodbye to your father.

- Jus..t let me eat... my cereal... ma! - I finished my giant bowl of cereal and ran into the living room, where my dad was watching a baseball match. I kissed him right in the middle of his nose. - I'm gonna run away from school this time.

- Of course you are, sweetheart. - My dad kept his eyes on my backpack. It was so big I had trouble walking straight. He waved at me and smiled with his kind, almond shaped eyes.

- Let's go little brat. - My mom put her hand behind my back and guided me towards the car. We sang during the whole ride and a guy next to our car even stared at us. We couldn't do anything but start laughing. It was a fun ride.

- Don't fall today, okay? I just bought those clothes, and if you insist in bringing them to school, you at least have to try. - She winked at me as
I nodded and started running to school, struggling not to trip. I was 8 at the time, but I used to fall a lot. I was a wild kid, I must say.

That day was special to me and I didn't trip or fall. Not even once, it had to be a perfect day. I was about to meet my only three friends, Theodore, Myles and Hunter who were just as crazy as me. Hunter was put next to me in class so we would spend our time laughing and talking about stupid stuff. I didn't care what we talked about, as long as I could be with him. He actually used to make me kind of jealous: He was stunning, even for a kid. He had big green eyes, a gentle smile and a small, cute nose. His teeth looked a lot like mine, a little too sharp in the canines but not out of proportion. His messy, honey colored hair made me want to lick him every single day, I don't quite know why. He also smelled just like cotton candy, so all I wanted to do was hug him and eat him. I know it's weird, but it's just the way I am. I got to know, years later, that when you like someone's features so much you don't know how to feel or what to do, you're definitely in love. And I loved that kid.

Years went by since that day at school and we all grew up together. When I left my house to school, I would stop by Theo's house, then we headed to Myles' so that we could wait for Hunter, who lived next to him. Those two were like brothers to me, but Hunter was a little bit more than that. I never told him, though. Theo was shy and sweet and we would never leave him alone, because even if we tried, he would follow us right away. Myles was exactly the opposite: lively and strong-minded, he would get into about any trouble just to have fun. Hunter was more of a leader. He had a calm, strong personality and everything had to be perfect for him. Nothing out of place, nothing was forgotten and no-one could be left behind. Those were my bros. My only friends.

I know that by now you're probably wondering why I didn't hang out with girls... Well, I know what I'm about to say may sound shocking or even rude but, I don't like them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not cruel to anyone but, I let things into my head very easily and in that way, girls are much more scary and dangerous than boys. With the guys you hear something you don't like and you can just shake it off, stay away and avoid talking to them, but with girls... they make sure to wait for the right moment to bombard you with mean comments and they don't ever stop there. It hurts even more when you think they're your friends, so I just stay away, and when I get teased or pranked, I have my boys.
Had... my boys.
I moved out to California when I was 12, and we lost touch. I had to learn to say goodbye, but I miss them every single day of my life, even now that I'm a junior in high school. I have lots of friends, but no-one is like them. My best friend Jamie is a sweet girl, with golden hair and beautiful hazelnut eyes, different from the others. But she's still a girl, and there are lots of stuff she doesn't like to do, like talking to guys all the time or going to parties, or even getting a little dirty by playing with animals. So, for that I have Jasper, a small guy, not very interesting on the eyes, but with a great personality. We go out every single day, while Jamie stays at home and studies. We usually go to parties, or play basketball with someone we don't know, just for the fun of meeting new people.

I was always like that. A curious, impulsive, fast person and I never thought twice, about anything. No regrets, no sadness, no fear, no bad feelings.

You must be thinking I exaggerated a little, by naming the first chapter of my book "Learn to Say Goodbye", but I wasn't talking about my friends. I was talking about something that made my mom want to move. My house...

Every time she looked at those sad walls, she started crying. My father's death took a huge weight on her. Soon after I met my best friends, my dad started coughing a lot, but it was normal for him to have colds or even the flu, so they didn't worry about it that much. It was only when my dad started coughing blood that they started getting worried, and I understood what was happening. I had the bad habit of hiding behind the door, so I always knew everything that was happening in my house. I know it's not a proper thing to do but, it saved my mom. If I wasn't there to hug her, I don't know what she would have done. "Let's hope he has pneumonia..." I heard a doctor say to my beloved mother, who was pregnant with my little brother Damon at the time. We waited two weeks for the doctors to find out what was wrong with my dad. "It's a very rare type of lung cancer, I'm afraid your husband won't live to see his child.". The doctor was heartless when he told this to a 5 months pregnant woman, without even looking down. It just wasn't fair. Everything faded away for me that night, and all I could see was the pain in my mother's eyes, so I couldn't hide behind the door anymore. I slowly entered the room and held on to my mom, as we both cried for the whole night.

We kept my dad thinking he would meet Damon, who looks just like him. I was 12 at the time, and it was a lot for me to handle, but for my mom it was even harder. Especially in the end, 'cause he didn't even remember her anymore. I don't know why, but it hurt me a lot that he still knew me when he died. I couldn't see it in the way my mom told me too: "He remembers you because you're the most precious gift he had in his whole life. You're his little girl.". I couldn't accept that for a long time, because I know it hurt my mom every time he called me sweetie, asking me who was the beautiful woman standing next to me. He didn't even remember he was the one who named Damon. But we do, and we will never forget him.
Unfortunately, my mom couldn't deal with the walls my dad painted, or the swing he built for me when I was little, or even the chair he used to sit on whlist watching his baseball matches. She thought she wouldn't be a good mom if she was sad all the time, so she asked me if I wanted to move. "Sure...", even though I wanted to stay, an affirmative answer came out of my mouth. I owed it to her.
So we left, three weeks before Damon was born.
I had to say goodbye to my dad, my friends, my home and my hometown.
But everything I got after was worth the pain. I have a little brother now, and he's already 4 years old, and I'm about to turn 16. He's my little angel, the perfect present my dad left us. His black hair, his beautiful eyes, his thin hands and even his face remember me of my dad. His sweet, funny and calm personality is just like my mom's. We love him and he made me accept a whole lot of things, including that, when you learn to say goodbye to something or someone, there's always a new something or someone waiting in the future, and he was waiting to make our life better.