Okay so I'm getting Kian and Jc's book and I wanted to type it up as a way for those who don't have the book or aren't getting the book to read it on here, so please please share and tell anyone you know who wants to read the book that it is on here...
I was born and raised in San Clemente, California, which is a town on the coast halfway between LA and San Diego. It's a pretty chill place: really sunny.
The earliest thing I can remember about my life was my first day of kindergarten. Man, I was so excited. My mom was like, "Okay, Kian, you're going to school!" and I said, "what's school?" (I had no idea what school was because I never went to preschool.)
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o she walked me into my class, and I saw a bunch of kids and I was smiling and all like, "Oooh, new friends! A playground! This is gonna be awesome!" And then I turn around and found my mum had just . . . left. Suddenly I got all upset. Why was my mom leaving me?! I started crying. A lot. That's when I met my friend Colin. He was my only friend in kindergarten. He made me stop crying.
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I have a great family: two sisters (one younger and one older) and two older brothers, and I always got along with them really well. Okay, well, I did argue with my sisters a lot- it's the thing you do with family, but I always looked up to my brothers.
And I've always been really, really close to my parents. My mom has always been my rock. Ever since the beginning, she's been there for me and my family. She's the one who taught me how to blow a bubble and how to snap my fingers. Ha-ha.
She also loves to cook, so there would always be a home-cooked meal that she prepared - but I'd never eat any of it because I'm a really picky eater. My mom would also always help me with my homework, since I was never really good in school. I have so many memories of us sitting at the table, spending countless hours - even staying up all night - trying to get my homework done.
My dad hardly ever helped with my homework. But we would do other stuff together. My dad and I would go out deep-sea fishing together a lot. Fishing is one of those sports that can be kind of boring for long stretches of time. You're basically out in the middle of the water and just sort of bobbing around. Hours can go by and nothing happens.
But the waiting is also kind of the fun of it. Not only does it give you a cool excuse just to hang, but when the big one finally bites . . . man, it feels awesome. And whenever I went out with my dad, he would always end up catching something big - like tuna or sharks.
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I remember this one day in particular when we were out on the water, bobbing around, and all of a sudden my dad's fishing line starts pulling like crazy! My dad calls me over and let's me reel in what he caught: an eighty-pound shark! That thing was huge! He had this big collection of jaws and teeth from all the sharks he'd ever caught - ten or twenty of them, hung all over the walls of his garage - and I thought it was so cool that I finally had my own set of shark jaws too.
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The funny thing is, I hate eating fish. I mean, I really hate eating fish. Except for smoked shark and those gummy Swedish Fish. Those are the only fish I'll eat.
As far back as I can remember, I was always trying to be funny. I remember when I was around five or six and my sister would have these birthday parties, I'd always be making her friends laugh by making faces, tripping myself, falling down . . . stupid stuff like that. I thought there might be a less painful way of making people laugh. That's when I started learning how to tell jokes.
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Around that time, I started going to a Boys & Girls Club after school, and they had all these different activities for us kids: arts and crafts, gym, whatever. And one of the activities they offered was a comedy class. That's where I learned my first joke: "What do you call a fish without an eye? A fsh!"
In school I was totally the class clown. You know - the one who was cracking the jokes and doing stupid stuff just to get a laugh. I remember this one prank I payed with my friend Jesse. What we'd do is, before class, Jesse and I would each take a huge mouthful of water from the drinking fountain. The goal was to see who could hold his water in the longest. Every so often we'd look at each other and spit out some water to prove we still hadn't swallowed it.
