Streetlights(Shipgrumps)

01: No Wonder

7:00 AM, her bedside clock reads in a bright red.
Holly has been awake since four reading fanfiction and talking to internet friends, but hasn't gone back to sleep and doesn't really care.  She knows she'll regret this later, but again, she's beyond it.

Holly decides to get out of bed to have breakfast. She doesn't really have much of an appetite, and gets a lot of criticism for it. Very often. Stumbling into the kitchen, the light over the oven nearly blinding her, she grabs a bowl and pours herself some cereal. Startled, she turns around to see her mother leaning against the wall.

"'Bout time you ate something, Holly." she says flatly. " No wonder you don't have a boyfriend. No one would be attracted to a such a sickly-looking skinny girl."

"I hate when you say that, Mom. You know that." Holly mumbles just loudly enough for her mother to hear. 

"But we both know it's true, Honey. You wont find your soulmate if you keep going on like this." she coos. "I'm just saying this for your benefit. You're so anxious. Why are you so nervous talking to your own mother when she's trying to help you? People have it worse than you, girl." Holly can't bring herself to look  her mother in the eyes. "You've no reason to be so anxious all the time."

No response. Holly pushes past her mother into her room to eat her cereal in silence. She doesn't want to break down in front of her mother. Not today. She doesn't need this stress and negativity. flopping onto her bed, she begins to think about what her mother said.

But what if it's true? she thought.

She didn't have much of an appetite anymore. Nothing tasted good. Everything felt disgusting in her mouth. Maybe Mom was right. She suddenly didn't feel she had a right to feel so self conscious. People had it so much worse.

What was she worth anyway? There are 7 billion people on the planet. There's literally billions of people like her, what's one loss?

Her thoughts were interrupted by her bird chirping. She set her bowl on her bedside table.

"Good morning, Lieutenant  Birb!" she babbles, reaching into her white birdcage. A small pigeon replies with a coo in return. Secretly, she thinks he might be an angel sent for her. Holly pats him on the head and closes the cage. She wants to get to school as early as possible.

"Sorry Lieutenant, I have to get to school."

She takes a cream blouse off of the hanger in her closet, along with a pleated pink skirt. Despite her mother's words, Holly was determined to have a nice day. She wanted to impress whoever saw her, at least appearance-wise. 

Once they see who I really am they'll hate me, she thought.

 She walks into the bathroom, trying to be as quiet as possible, and turns the water on. Drying her hair off, she looks in the mirror. A short, thin, girl with messy hair. She wanted to change herself.
Maybe then people will like her.

When she's everything they want her to be.

She'll kill Holly Conrad if it means people would like her a little more.

Holly notices a few bruises and scrapes on her arms and legs. Must be from her soulmate. That's what keeps her going. knowing that someone is there for her, somewhere. As she buttons up her blouse and slips on her white ballet flats, she stares at her clock.

7:30 AM. She'll be extremely early. She likes it that way. She can have time to herself and no one is there to judge her. She applies her foundation in her bedroom mirror, almost subconsciously, along with her eyeliner and blush. Her classmates tell her she looks nicer this way. She reluctantly reaches for her glasses. She hates those things. She hates even more that she needs them.

 They make me look ugly. 

"I don't look that bad, do I?" Holly asks, scanning herself in the mirror. 

So many things to change. 

My nose is too big. I'll fix that soon enough.

My hair would look so much better longer. I'll fix that soon enough.

I'm too thin and wiry. I can fix it.

I'll change everything if i need to.

A sigh escapes her lips. Closing her bedroom door, she steps through the hallway, watching the early sunlight peek in through the window on the door. The cool spring morning air blows through her hair and ruffles her skirt. The sunlight pours through the trees. She can hear the birds singing. She loves early mornings.

Her phone vibrates from a pocket in her backpack.

(2 New Messages from JonTrain!)

A smile spreads across her face. She unlocks her phone and opens Kik.

JonTrain: Have a swood day at school mate

CommanderHolly: thanks buddy !!! you too

The grin refuses to leave her face. Beaming, She walks the rest of the way to school in the best mood she's had for a while. 

Holly is happy today.