Repeating the Circles of Life

The soon to be mother closed her tired eyes to the unforgiving world around her. Memories passed behind her eyes, coming full circle. One memory came in particular at the exact moment that she repeated history, one that she had so long ago forgotten.

 ***

The last words that Claire ever heard her dying grandmother say were, “What goes around comes around.” The little head of golden locks bounced up and down as Claire shifted closer to the elderly woman. “You start somewhere and make a choice. That choice is going to take you places, but eventually it will come right back to where it began. It will go full circle. It will come straight back to you. Claire I-” the woman’s words were cut short by a horrible fit of coughing.

Claire sat quietly on the antique duvet, waiting for more wistful and wise words from the only family she had. “Claire, I want you to make me a promise. I want you to promise me that you will not make a choice that will hurt you when it comes back around. Do you think you can do that?”

Claire stared into the gleaming eyes of the woman who raised her. They held tight to each other’s hand. She began to speak but stopped when her grandmother’s hand fell limply from hers. The gleam in her eyes faded and now she just stared blankly into the distance. The machines in the room were making frightening noises and the young Claire covered her ears and screamed.

 ***

Technically, she never broke the promise; she never made the promise to begin with. Would her life be different if she had? Would she still have gone to that party and got drunk? Would she still have been on cloud 9 while a stranger had his way with her body?

She thought of herself as a killer, bringing death upon the woman who carried her for 9 months. Just like a circle, it came back around. But this time, it was her that was going to die. She brought death to her mother and grandmother, and now her daughter was going to bring death to her.

She could feel life slipping from her grasp. The faint cry of a new born reached her ears, telling her to hold on just a little longer. Her eyes fluttered open as the weight of the child was placed in her lap. Tears threatened to fall as she gazed down at her daughter’s small face.

 ***

Life is a roller coaster. Once you’re strapped in, that’s it; you’re stuck on the ride until it ends. You go over every bump, around every corner, do loop-the-loops until you come back to where it all started. Death. It’s true what Claire’s grandmother told her, ‘what goes around comes around,’ but Claire would like to add in on the end, ‘to bite you on the butt.’

 ***

Claire smiled weakly down at the new life, in her dead arms. With a struggled breath of life, she whispered ‘sorry’ as the circle caught up with her. 

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Repeating the Circles of Life by Ayla Ferguson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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