Bitter Sweet

Letter to Sarah - Meaning

Grayson is so cute here I can't. Btw I had to type the last part of this up on my phone a second time because Wattpad deleted my saved version. It's 6:59am right now and I have about half an hour to sleep before cramming again.

Dedicated to Tulika because her writing is so awesome o'possum and you guys should go read String Theory and/or Freida by her because they're perfection in every manner okay

Ugh, I don't think I will be able to finish this before Nov. 6th, the deadline for the Watty Awards entries. Writing these letters is much harder than I'd expected.

~

To Sarah,

I hate it when people think I'm taking everything easy, like nothing matters to me. Like failing a test isn't a big deal. Like maintaining the status of being the biggest flirt in this messed-up school was all that occupied my mind.

Let me tell you this: It's not. I do care. And sometimes, I care too much. I do care whether I'm doing a school project with a group that was going to flunk me out or a group that was in fact attempting to score a good mark. I do care when my best friend starts smoking (and I do get hurt when you send anonymous hate to both of us). I do care about Avery. But I just don't show it.

It's annoying how insensitive people could be. You don't just tell me that I should really get a tutor or that I can't even catch footballs and expect me to be fucking okay with it.

McKenna reached her height in fame over the span of one single week; the entire school is talking about her and her new bond with cigarettes. They would stare at her past the hallways as if she were a drug dealer or something. Her cheerleader/sports team friends would barely even say a word to her, much less promote underage smoking as the new "cool" factor. And they're probably not going to follow her lead because of the risks of yellow teeth and grey fingernails (Jesus bless them for getting something out of those Health classes).

Sarah Addison says nothing, not even to her closest friends when they whisper and hiss the most terrible shit about McKenna. But when nobody's looking - or so she thought that nobody's looking -, she'd look McKenna's way with the saddest look on her face. McKenna does notice it too and I think it aggravates her. She hates pity.

The whole thing is ridiculous when you think about it, because it's not like she was the only freshman who smokes. But I guess we all just want some drama to entertain our boring lives with, whether it meant wrecking another person's or not.

Since she has no one now, I stay with her - and I will stay with her until everything calms down. I know that it's horrible to say, but - it makes me happy. McKenna was finally alone away from her clingy friends and our friendship was finally back to what it was before middle school. Almost.

Everything I write to you these days is way too negative, isn't it? I should quit talking about the things I hate and tell you about something I like.

I like you.

While that makes what I write right now at this moment sound so much more romantic, I'd like to clarify that it's just not in that way. Not the way I believe, if I do say so myself.

Today, this guest speaker came to our school to discuss about bullying. He told us to be yourself and never let anyone change that and consult your teachers and/or your parents if you feel threatened, crap like that. I hear those things on a regular basis from Doctor John, so I really don't need to hear it again from a random guy who probably gets paid to do this.

Adults tell us the most meaningless things.

Be yourself.

That's the sole reason why so many people get bullied.