[2] Selfish Desires

Prologue 2

Prologue  2                                                                                       

            “Rachel Murray, Kylie Baxter, Ben Barnes…” I scrolled through my list of friends and then tried to talk myself out of it. Were these people really my friends anymore? I already switched schools and moved to this New Hanover High School about two hours away, but I didn’t want to break ties with these people I knew before. There was one person I wanted to rid my life of for good, and, even though Jake had kept me distracted from hating him, I saw a new message from him and I was curious to see what it said.

            Jake was asleep on the couch and my parents were in their bedroom somewhere. It was midnight, why was I awake again? We have school in the morning. I probably have a math quiz tomorrow. Looking at anything that had to do with Phoenix was a bad idea, but I couldn’t help myself.

            The white arrow slowly turned into a pointing finger as I hovered over the message tab, reluctant to click but unable to do anything else.

            Phoenix Ryan sent me a message. It was his only activity on that site since the pictures were leaked all over the school. I checked behind me to make sure Jake was still sound asleep before reading the whole message to myself.

            “I swear I never meant for this to happen… L” He even put a frowning face at the end as if that were supposed to make it better. It was sent at 11 PM the night before last. It was the same night that Nathan was in the hospital.

            “Jewel? Please talk to me… I didn’t do this.” I laughed a little bit almost in shock that he said that. You didn’t do this? You were the only one with those pictures. I even saw them… well, most of them before I passed out that night.

            “I want to talk to you on Saturday. I don’t know what happened but we need to meet in person and talk about this. Someone stole my phone that night and I still don’t even have it back.”

            That hit home a little bit. Maybe it was all starting to make sense. I didn’t think Phoenix would have done this, but if he didn’t, then who did? Plus, how do I know if he is telling the truth? He was a really good liar.

            I needed to respond to him somehow since I didn’t have a cell phone anymore. My parents nixed that deal once we switched schools. They said it was for my own good, but in reality it was more of a punishment than a gift.

Facebook was my only hope of finding out the whole story. But what did I want to say to the person who basically ruined my life? It’s okay that you broke your promise? It’s okay that I think you’re a horrible person even though it might not have been your fault? I might still have feelings for you but I hate you for what you did to me? I steadied my fingers and looked up at the flashing vertical line that blinked on and off on the screen.

            On… off… on… off… white… black… white… black… I could write anything I wanted. I could write scribbles and nobody would care. I could make up my own words or type a whole book and nobody would ever know unless I pressed enter. That enter button was pretty intense when you think about it. You press that button, and God help you if what you wrote was embarrassing. The enter button didn’t care.

            “What are you reading?” Jake came up behind me and pulled up a stool. I quickly clicked the red “X” in the corner and spun the chair to face him. How did I not hear him coming?

            “It’s nothing,” I swallowed loudly and caught my breath.

            “Who’s Phoenix Ryan?” he yawned loudly but he didn’t seem upset or anything. Maybe he was genuinely curious.

            “He’s… uh…” I tried to think of the right thing to say. He was my ex-boyfriend… sort of. He was my first kiss… unfortunately. He took naked pictures of me…and they were leaked to the whole school. He was just… someone.

            “Huh?” Jake rubbed his eyes and yawned again.

            “He’s a friend from SCA… You know, Sunset Christian where I came from,” I squeaked out the lie as I had done numerous times before, knowing that at some point it was going to bite me in the ass. I still wasn’t ready to tell Jake, though, and to have him find out from some other source was the last thing I wanted to happen.

            “Oh okay,” Jake nodded and we both sat quietly for a second, “I thought you didn’t have that many friends.”

            “I guess I was exaggerating…” I nervously laughed and tried to change the subject. There was one message left and it was pretty long, but I couldn’t read it with Jake sitting right there.

            “Hah, yeah, I didn’t believe you for one second when you told me that. I thought, how could someone so amazing and perfect not have any friends?” Jake kissed me softly on the lips and then headed back to the couch.

            “Trust me,” I smiled, “I’m definitely not perfect.”

            “How bad could you possibly be?” Jake stretched, “You came from a Christian school. I heard that the kids there couldn’t wear anything above their knees and that they would go to the principal’s office for saying the word ‘God’ if they weren’t talking directly about him. And you were there for six years? That’s an achievement in itself… I would have been kicked out by the end of the week…”

            “Yeah,” I laughed, “I guess you’re right.” You’re way off, Jake. Sure, I had been pretty well behaved most of my life but ever since the start of the school year at Andrews High I started going to parties and letting loose. You have no idea who I am.

 

            The next morning, I found Jake in the den with his dad’s letter in his hands. He must have been there a while because he looked like he hadn’t slept since he checked up on me around midnight last night. His eyes were red from crying and his hair was all over the place. His issues were much more serious than mine but he was used to handling them and I wasn’t used to having any.

            It always surprised me how much I knew about him. I could tell when he was hiding things and I could read him like a book when other people either judged him or were afraid of him. I actually felt bad for deceiving him last night and I knew I had to tell him what actually happened.

            He deserved to know, and he deserved to be happy just like everyone else. It was up to me to make him happy since his Dad obviously didn’t cheer him up and since he didn’t have a mom anymore. Jake needed me right now, and I needed him. Right now wasn’t the best time for this conversation though.