Did You See The Hurt In My Eyes

Never Expect The Unexpected...

  Waiting, debating
Contemplating.
On whether or not I
Should be saying.
He took one thing
I can never get back.
It just goes to show
The real man he lacks.
Trust was a thing
My mom gave to him,
Not knowing the monster he
hides within.
I lay down for sleep
As he tells me to.
Knowing the moment is coming,
When he finally breaks through.
I'm hurt and
I'm bleeding.
He's laughing,
Ignoring my pleading.
Does he care?
Does it bother him?
Knowing there was more than one thing
He put inside me
Other than grim.
Three years have past
And I am still perturbed,
By the mess he left,
All things in my world are disturbed.
Just thinking he's out there
With some other girl.
She's probably so scared.
It makes me want to hurl.
I have no bruises,
I have no scars.
But taking my virginity,
Was like taking my heart.
Why would he do this?
What did I do?
I cant take my mind off of him.
I don't know how to.
picture perfect memories,
are not the images I see.
When I look back and think
Of a younger me.
I see his face
flash in my mind
Smiling his ugly smile,
I wish I was blind.

You were a friend of mine.

Before you attacked me.
I told you I wasn't ready.
So you took over.
I was alone at home.
It was late. Dark.
You called me.
Asked me to come over.
We were partners for a school project.
You wanted to work on it. How did I not see?
I didn't hear the anger in your voice.
I went into my room, the look in your eyes.
It was hungry, murderous.
I fought against you when you lunged at me, I tried to be strong.
You used to tease me about being weak, before you were mean.
I was pinned, hurting, I wanted to close my eyes and forget everything. Who I was, who you were, what was happening.
I wanted to tap my shoes together and go home. That only happens in fairy tales. This was far from one.
For the next few weeks every time you called me I went over. You threatened to hurt my family, friends.
I spent my nights doing exactly what you wanted me to, pleasing you, making you happy. You spent the nights tearing apart my soul.
You had everything worked out so you could be happy.
"All I ever wanted was you." That's what you'd say.
After a while I felt ill, I felt sick.
What do you know? Pregnant with twins.
It was impossible to hide. I couldn't. I was shamed and terrified.
Angry as ever you came right back and attacked me again.
I fought you all night, crying and screaming. You were inside, hurting.
It took me months after that before I was able to tell on you.
By then you figured out there was a child in the equation.
By then you had tried to kill me.
But I grew up fast.
Your words are empty threats to me now. Your words are not heard by me anymore. I've grown deaf to them.
I see you sometimes, you should be in prison and you might be when I testify.
A shudder always runs up my spine. Sometimes I feel as if you're still there, on top of me. I have nightmares, I wake up screaming like I did when it really happened.
As much as you hurt me, I owe you thanks as well. You made me who I am. I still have a death wish, but then I just look at my two daughters. They don't look at all like you. Someday I'll tell them what they're father did.
Someday I'll come back and haunt you, like you do to me.
Someday I'll forget.