To The Stage [Brustoff]

Twelve

"Shit."

That was the only word that came into Ben's mind at the time, and the only one he could get out of his mouth. The rest, what Ben had planned to say if this moment ever happened just couldn't come out. He wanted to say them, of course he did, but he couldn't. They got caught in his throat and even after constant internal persuasion, they just couldn't leave his lips.

In all honesty, Ben was scared. Which, in its own, was completely unheard of. Ben never gets scared. All he could think was that this fear was completely irrational. These were his best friends - his band. They were the people who Ben spent the majority of his time with. If they were his best friends, they'd understand. They wouldn't kick him out of the band, they wouldn't stop being friends with him. If anything, this would be good. Him and Denis could be together more and wouldn't have to hide. And it would get rid of the awkward conversation that was destined to happen anyway.

The rational reasoning in Ben's head didn't help calm his worry and anxiety. There was a small voice in his head that kept muttering away, no matter how much Ben tried to argue and rationalise this, it didn't work. It kept talking, and Ben couldn't stop it. All it was was quiet "what if"s, but it was so loud, it drowned out Ben's own thoughts trying to persuade himself that this was a good thing.

What Ben did, however, manage to do rather quickly was push himself off the sofa and stand up so quickly, his vision was blurred for a second.

Standing up, Ben was able to say something, finally. He blurted out a quick, "it isn't what it looks like", before mentally slapping himself. This was becoming a cheesy sitcom about a cheating boyfriend.

The rest of the bands eyes darted from Denis to Ben, before James let out a mutter of, "did that bartender drug our drinks or something?" quietly to himself.

"What the hell is happening?" Danny asked, completely ignoring James comment.

"About that. It's a long story and you don't really need to hear it." At this point, Ben was trying to convince them nothing was happening. Which, again, Ben mentally slapped himself for. He kept repeating in his head to just tell them, trying to get the courage to actually do it.

And Denis seemed to realise. He stood up, and laced his fingers with Ben, giving him a comforting squeeze and a smile. And that was all Ben needed before he got the courage.

"Me and Denis are together."

And with those words, Ben wanted to curl up in a ball and hide. It wasn't like he was ashamed - it was totally the opposite. He liked Denis more than anything, and he was proud to feel this way. It was just his band, his closest friends, and the way they would react. In all honesty, Ben just wanted to leave, rather than face their reactions. After what Cameron said a month or so ago, Ben has just stopped being open-minded to everyone else feeling happy for them.

Ben felt like he was going to die. His heart was beating so fast he thought it would burst out of his chest. He felt like he was getting chocked slowly by his own doubt in his friends. And it was the worst feeling he's ever felt.

"As in, dating?" Ben heard Sam ask, curiously, albeit quite quietly.

Denis could probably tell what Ben was thinking from how his hand was tightening on Denis', and was probably causing him a lot of pain. But right now, Ben couldn't even think properly. He was so intently trying to stop himself from curling up and crying.

So all Denis did was nod lightly, "Yeah."

Ben didn't even want to look at the others, he was so worried and scared about this. All that was going through his head was the rest of them yelling at him and kicking him out of Asking. Or even making him choose between Denis or the band - his friends. That was probably the worst situation.

"Well, if you're both happy, then why would it be a problem?" Sam replied back.

When Ben finally looked up, his eyes met with Sam's and he got a nod and a small smile in reply. And in that moment, Ben relaxed quite a lot. His breathing evened out a bit, and he could think properly again.

"Why is it a problem? Maybe because that's Denis, you know, the guy from the band that we hate because they've caused us so much shit before. Maybe that." Danny argued back, his voice raising louder each word he said.

And just like that, Ben was back at the start, feeling like shit again and wanting to run away.

"Well, maybe they aren't that bad. If Ben's happy, we should be happy too." And this time, it was James arguing back.

Ben decided he really liked James and Sam a lot more than he ever did before.

And of course, Cameron would be against them, arguing something Ben had stopped listening to. He couldn't concentrate. He was causing problems for his friends, he was causing arguments and fights between them, and he didn't like it. His friends had now been split and arguing between themselves now, and all Ben could hear was loud noise.

"Hey, Ben, you okay?" He heard someone ask from his left. He looked around to meet Denis' own worried eyes and shook his head which only made Denis frown more.

"Do you want to go outside, get some air?" Denis asked.

Ben nodded, to which Denis wrapped his arm around Ben's waist, slowly guiding him to the door that was no longer hidden by the others, who had slowly moved away, arguing between themselves. They didn't even see Ben or Denis leave.

They arrived to a small park, left empty in the dark. There was one light which was lighting up only a part of the park. The rest was barely lit by a few houses that still had the lights on. Unfortunately, there was no benches. It was rather small anyway, with only two swings, a small slide and a "see-saw" if you could even call it that. It was so small, Ben doubted a child could even fit on it.

The two had sat themselves on the only seat they could, which happened to be the swings. For a while, they sat in silence. Denis had moved his hand across, and gently laced his fingers in with Ben's.

"What's wrong?" Denis asked, breaking the silence.

Ben was quiet for a few seconds, "I caused my friends to argue and have a fight."

Denis raised his eyebrow, "And? You have friends sticking up for the ones that don't want you to be happy."

"No, that's not the reason, I caused it."

"No, you didn't Ben, it's not your fault." Denis told him.

"They hate me."

Denis shook his head, "No, they don't. It's probably them in shock. Don't worry about it. Soon enough, they'll be happy."

Ben turned his head to look at Denis, seeing his small, reassuring smile, before leaning in again and kissing him lightly.

"What was that for?" Denis asked, after Ben pulled away.

"For being here."

Denis' cheeks grew redder and it looked away quickly.

"Aww, princess, you're blushing!"

"I thought you forgot about calling me that!"

Ben laughed, "Nah, I'd never forget about you, princess."

"That doesn't have anything to do with what I said," Denis argued, but he went even redder, if that was possible.

"I know but I like making you blush."

Denis glared at Ben, "I fucking hate you."

"Thanks babe."

"Don't call me that either!"

A/N: lol hi

eh its kinda late oh well. i also have a v good idea for another fanfic but i dont wanna be doing two at the same time bc i can barely update one on time so I guess we're just gonna have to wait. and thatll be a long time bc theres so maNY CHAPTERS LEFT. mate we aint even half way through lol.

anyway. thank again